New person

I was saying on another group that I missed being part of a team.  The always having your back, the hold, the shared laughs, the safety.  One of the replies was that they were shocked I was thinking of a new partner this soon when I was still healing!!

I had to say that that wasn't what I was getting at at all.  Indeed Nick was it for me.  I won't ever have that again.  But it's the sadness of that.   No one to call.  No next of kin.  No one to lift you when the days are so so hard.  No one knows our story like Nick.  I'm the only one who can carry it on now. 

Hi

I am sorry you are part of this club, it’s not the best to be in, I am 54 and have had the oh but your still so young comments but as my husband only passed in January I have not as yet had the meeting someone else yet but aM sure it will come.  I don’t think there is a timeline on grief and other people’s opinions should be ignored especially when they haven’t walked in our shoes.  Losing your person is a real shock to the nervous system and you lose who you do everyday life with, that’s what I miss the most not the big things.  I personally think you are doing well I think we will always have bad and good days.  

My perspective is to be kind to yourself and if you feel overwhelmed by depression pls speak to someone as there are things you can do to help that (counselling or medication).  I try to hold on to the fact that Grant my husband wanted me to live and carry him forward through my life, he wanted me to be there for our young adult children and live a life that was meaningful to me and I need to honour that it helps to think that I am doing it for him as well as myself.  This doesn’t include meeting someone else as far as i am concerned though!!

I am not sure that this helps but we are walking with you.

vicki

The thought of being with someone else is just something that hasn't crossed my mind. I am 64 this year and really I have quite liked being on my own the last 3 years but if it happens it happens.  Don't get me wrong I still miss Jay after all this time and when you have had someone else by your side for 40 years as you say plum it is a shock to the system that you are indeed now on your own. Jay would want me to carry on though for the sake of our son and our grandchildren which is what I am trying to do. I care mostly for my older sister now  who has health issues so that takes up a bit of my time and soon I will be helping out with the childcare as my daughter in law is returning to work after maternity leave. So I am you could say still here for a purpose. Take Care.

Vicky xx

Hi i feel I have no feelings in my heart for anything,  I don't feel any love and its awful as I have 2 children in their 20s and a 7 week old grandson. My heart is literally dead and I feel empty inside everyday. I always say to my kids when something happens to me you will get the house etc and im sure they don't want to think about losing their mum as not only lost their stepdad,  they lost their dad 14 years ago to suicide so they haven't had the best time either.  Sorry I sound like a misery x

I try keep busy probably as a distraction. People probably see me going places and look like I'm having a good time but inside im not, and ive turned into a bitter person..look at other couples thinking why wasn't it you..how nasty is that x

It's not nasty.  I think it's a normal response to an unfair world.  Nick never harmed anyone.   If it was going to be one of us it should've been me.  I think about that 1 in 2 stat why wasn't it me then.  

The world is the less for all our partners not being here.  Cancer is horrific.

I think we can all feel like that sometimes Heartbreak I know I do. In the beginning I was like `how dare you go about your business as if nothing has happened` but then it wasn't them that was grieving it was me and I still am in a way. Yes I feel very bitter at times too and sometimes just resent other peoples happiness so you're not alone there in your thinking. 

xx

I feel much the same . Although I am older than you at 69 years old. it's been 14 months for me. And I have cried every single day since losing my love. I try to act normal when with others . They don't want to see me falling apart.. and for me it's too embarrassing. Yes , we get lots of unwanted Suggestions and advise etc. usually from  people who have no idea. of how traumatic our loss is. I keep my thoughts to myself., except for letting it out sometimes on here. I know some might be able to fall in love again if they meet someone or need someone , but we aren't all the same. Personally it also makes me feel nauseous at the thought of someone else. . I yearn to be close to my Hubby . I wish I could have him back. Some Women or especially men don't do solo very well and need someone else 

 But most of us know we can't fill that void after their loss. I am just listening to a video of . " Working with your nervous system . Certainly worth listening to. I already recognise there is a lot of sense in it

 Certainly worth a listen.