This journey is horrible

I agree my wife was only 60 birthday while in hospital we should have had another 10 to 20 years so unfair

Life is cruel Newb.get out of bed on a morning and just want to scream.Another pointless day ahead and all the plans we still had all gone. .. 

Hi Val, and everyone, 

we thought we had it planned 4 more years before his retirement, I work in a school so hoping to take advantage of the holidays. Dreams and plans Just gone first slowly then that phone call can you come back to the hospice. I never made it in time I guess he never wanted me to. I spent almost a year eating on my own as the throat cancer meant  he was nill by mouth, So I eat at work. I now can’t sit in the living room it’s too empty and upsets me so I binge watch Netflix on our bed wrapped in a huge v shaped pillow to try and feel hugged. I was going to meet friends tonight but I couldn’t I didn’t want to hear about there holiday. People don’t understand even when you push yourself go to that function or like you to the wedding there’s such a huge bit missing. Mostly I’m ok but it’s painful at times.  Xx  as for losing people I lost my mum, broken hip and heart failure Dad a month later bowel cancer and dementia, my uncle three months later bowel cancer again  then a friend two weeks after that, then Jerry 3 1/2 years later. All I can say is the grief for each of them is as individual as they were nothing prepares you. 

Hi puddle fish, it’s such a horrible time,yes we have all the dreams and plans then without any warning sometimes everything changes.im sat in living room now,,tv is on but not really watching it,keep watching the clock until I go to bed, I made a cushion out of one of Alan’s shirts and I hug that during the night,Going places is so hard like you say there is someone missing,I know it’s normal for people to be carrying on with their lives but a bit of jealousy creeps in when I see couples together,like today out shopping there was a couple maybe in their 80s having a lighthearted chat  with the checkout girl about who makes the most cups of tea at home.,just something silly like that.but it made me sad.,Take care.Val.

Hi all yes I feel the same so lonely even in a crowded room at work everyone is very sad for you but you can tell they don't understand how you feel and just little thing seem to set me off and I have to go in a quiet place to try and fight back the tears  hope it helps some one who feels the same but thinks they are the only ones