This journey is horrible

Hi Val. 

Sorry you are feeling so sad today. I think you were great to even go to the wedding. It must have been very hard for you. 

I have just come back from a walk , I had to force myself to go, holding back the tears as I went. The fresh air was nice but coming back to an empty house is the hardest part. My son went back home yesterday so I am sitting here on my own with no one to talk to as well. 

It doesn’t seem to get any easier.

hope your day gets a bit better. 

I am here if you want to talk. 

Mike 

Hi Mike,The house is so quiet and empty,When Alan retired I use to moan at him for being under my feet,he would undo things that I had already done,But I would give anything for him to be doing that now.Its the small things like deciding what wallpaper to buy or what we will have for tea,none of that really means anything now.Had my kitchen wallpaper for about four months now but no interest in having it done.Don’t even know why I bought it.Sorry your walk didn’t go to well,and yes it coming back to a empty house,not nice at all.Thank you for listening to me moan.I hope your afternoon is a bit better for you.....Val.

Hi Val. How long was Alan retired for , I hope you had a few years of retirement together. Winnie was 68 when she died , I am 65 and had taken early retirement. So we had a couple of years but not long enough. 

Yes the small things hurt the most. We always had a cup of coffee at 11 o clock. Then do some things around the house. But haven’t got the motivation to do anything now. And sitting alone in the sitting room having meals ( what little I do eat ) is a killer altogether. 

Sometimes I wonder what’s the point of it all. 

Thank YOU for listening to me moan. 

Take care. 

Mike 

Alan retired when he was 63/4he had a few health problems but nothing to worry about.he was70 when I lost him,would have been 71 the month after., im 8 months older than him..He always used to say this is my old woman.We were going to have our first holiday abroad next year with a lot of the family I would never fly.but they talked me into it.They still want me to go but I’m not sure,don’t know how I will feel without him...Try and eat Mike I’m sure Winnie would want you to take care of yourself......Val

Val I just wonder what you do for the afternoon, I can only go for so many walks. There is nothing to be done around the house. I just find it so frustrating. 

You should try and go on the holiday it would give you something to be thinking about. But I see how hard it would be going without your Alan. 

I eat a bit now and again and also fruit so iam doing ok. 

Mike 

One of the many things I struggle with is that my husband didn't get to retirement age. 

I feel so sorry for you . Life can be so cruel. How old was your husband when h passed away. 

Mike 

 One of the things I find hard it was so quick,excactly three weeks after been diagnosed.we were busy arranging for him to come home from the hospital,but got a. phone call early morning to go there.Its so hard isn’t it.Just don’t know how to carry on.Take care Val.

He'd just had his 56th birthday so had over a decade to go till retirement. 

I feel cheated and can see no meaningful future

Hi Val and Wildcat I feel so sad for both of you. I feel exactly the same , can’t see what the future holds. Just emptiness.