Alcohol

Hi Anneh if you enjoy it and it helps go for it . I am sitting here having a glass of whiskey, I have one most nights. Like your John Winnie didn’t drink much ( the odd glass of wine ) and she didn’t smoke. And she died of cancer at 68. So as you say , what the hell. 

Hi Anneh1981,  I hear what you saying,  you are looking for escapism, aren't you ?. It's a natural reaction, but not a logical reaction.  May I explain why, Yes you will feel relaxed, you will forget what's bothering you, you want to be, to feel ex-honourated.    Which you will feel, but, it will be a short escapism, you will feel worse in the morning, you won't be able to remember, what feelings you had at the time.   Your health will suffer, you may want to get out of the house, escapism, again, but this time, if you drive, and have an accident, you will be breathelisied, if you fail, that's more bad news to deal with,  Everything in moderation, have a glass of wine, then next drink, a glass of soda, or lemonade, this way you won't be risking your health, livelihood, of personal life. Have you a close friend of ask about some form of support, you are not the first to go through this, and you won't be the last, either.  Been there done that.  How long, will it take you to get through this ?.  You don't know, I don't know, that's why getting some help, makes sence, you don't have to take the advice, but you will have listened to perhaps another way to deal, with what your feeling. A trouble shared, is a trouble halved, have you heard that saying?.  Talking about your feeling does not come easy to some people, but you will feel so much better, having got it off your chest, it will make you feel relaxed again, it might not happen overnight, may take days or weeks, but speaking about it will relieve you get the pressure off you, it's only you, that can decide, which way to turn, I know it's difficult, but what alternatives do you have ?.You miss something, you can't get it back, don't let it ruin your life.   Take some time to have a think about it.  I am sure you will evaluate what.   You want !!!!!. I am sure your partner, would not want to see you suffer/ hurt over this, pick yourself up, shame it off, start all over again, if you want.  Try talking, it's cheap, it helps you look at things , perhaps in a different way ? I don't know you, so what have you got to lose???,Nothing or, only your mind.  A little help, just might be the thing you need.

M.

Good luck, 

Hi Mala1098. 

I see your point about drinking to much. But I am sure Anne like me only has the odd glass in the evening to dull the senses for a bit . And I am quite sure she wouldn’t drink and drive. 

I have read your profile and am very sorry for what you are going through. I had prostate cancer a couple of years ago and had to get prostate removed. 

But you still have your lovely wife with you. With all due respect you don’t know the pain loneliness and suffering that we that have lost our soulmates are going through. So I think a small drink at night  is the least of our worries 

Mike

Hi winmick, I am not saying, that she should not have a drink, if you read if, Everything in moderation, that what I said, so when does one of  two drinks, become 3 or 4, alcohol is only a temporary fix.  Support is what she needs most, her feeling of loss, just be tremendous, however I lost 3 mates in the army, when we were serving in another country, I know about loss, the void, that's left, says you will go to try and fill that void. I am only offering some advice, she doesn't have to take it.  But, alcohol, won't help her get over it, only time and counselling will help, we are all different, we handle things different ways.  So, she will decide what she is prepared to do, it's her choice and her choice alone to make, remember, if you make your bed, you have to pay in it.

Regards 

M.

• I really don't find your reply helpful Malcolm. Why would you assume I'd drink to excess and then drive, have an accident, be breathalysed etc? That is quite insulting and presumptuous. You don't even know me,I  may not even drive. I do drive actually but don't drink any alcohol at all if I'm going to use the car. I've already said I don't drink a lot.  You say I need help, we all need help as we have lost our partners and we are grieving and trying to cope as best we can. Try talking?? Yes I do that, I talk to friends, and I'm seeing a counsellor. I don't think I'd want to talk to you, your post is very judgmental and full of unhelpful and upsetting comments and assumptions.
• Anne  

Thank you Mike. I found Mala1098's reply upsetting and have told him so. While I see from his profile that he has been through a lot and still is going through it, I thought this forum was for those who have lost their partners.

Hi Anne 

yes I couldn’t agreed more with you.  He said he was in the army and has lost mates. I was also in the armed forces and have lost friends. But the feeling of loosing your partner is 1000 times worse , and unless you have gone through it you wouldn’t know. 

Ill say say cheers to you tomorrow night when I am having a drink. 

Mike 

I do wonder why Mala is posting here especially in such a negative and unhelpful way. 

It's totally understandable that a drink can be a way to find some solace in this awful existence.

Thanks Mike, and cheers to you too. Don't want to seem harsh but if one's in a situation involving armed conflict there is a surely a high degree of risk which one accepts. Losing your partner to cancer or any other awful disease  is a totally different situation and can't be compared with being in the armed forces. And I can really do without being preached at about the dangers of alcohol by someone like Malcolm,who has absolutely no idea of what I'm going through.

Anne