Bereaved

Hi Lynandy

I get you as all the others here will too. I am approaching my 3rd Christmas without Jay (my late husband). He passed in June 2023 from bowel cancer. My first two came and went without me actually feeling anything but this year I am just not feeling it at all. This year I seem to miss him more than ever. Ironically our son got married Valentines weekend (15th February) this year the time you lost your partner. He and his now wife had been together for 10 years and decided to mark it with getting married something Jay hoped he would see. He fought it for two years getting his initial surgery to remove the tumour in January 2022 and to be told after it they had got it all and he was in remission but, cruelly it came back for him 5 months later and wasn't leaving without him a 2nd time. My 2nd little granddaughter arrived in October this year also so a few big life events he's not been here to see and I think this is why I have been feeling his loss that bit more this year. Our first little granddaughter he only saw the first two years of her life and she started primary school this year something Jay was also determined to see but not the case again. Just keep coming here as we all have a tale to tell about our horrible bereavement journeys and as I said we all `get it` and you will be able to relate to posts from others here with what you are going through. My best wishes to you. 

Vicky.

Hi lynandy. Im sorry to read about your partner. Yes there are many of us here, some of us also dreading Christmas. My husband died in October and I am still reeling even though we knew it was coming.

Im learning to tell people Im not ok, and I cry a lot. We support each other here as we all understand what its like to have our world ripped apart. 

Do you have any kind of bereavement support where you live? 

I'm struggling too, I lost my sweet husband before Christmas and a week before his birthday, I find coming into the new year so hard and I feel lost

• The idea of a new year is so hard, I feel the same. My husband died 6 weeks ago, I'm going through the motions but honestly it's all such a struggle. My husband's death was traumatic too, and the flashbacks are tough. I'm sorry I don't have any advice, other than be very gentle with yourself and know that we all understand. 

It’s been 15 months since my beautiful Valen was ripped from us. 
Unfortunately his passing was also traumatic. 
I still have flashbacks to him struggling to breathe. 
The look of fear and confusion and pleading in his eyes. 
His last word to me was “Ambulance”. 
BUT at long last I can appreciate that he knew I was with him, helping him, loving him. 
And I know my last words to him were “I’m here my BUBA, I’m here”.

The flashbacks are getting less, only maybe every 4 or 5 days rather that 4 or 5 times a day and the impact of them is lessening. 
That’s not to say they aren’t painful, but I no longer get the panic attacks I used to get with them.

This Christmas and New Year were worse than the first which both passed in a blur as it was only 3 months since his passing. 
This year the reality of his loss was harder to bear. 
To know that I am entering a second year without him is just unbearable. 
And yet I have to bear it as it is the reality.

My GP diagnosed with PTSD and Traumatic Bereavement which got me PTSD counselling. 
It was tough going and I only lasted 4 out of the 12 sessions, but those 4 did help. 
I have found the Mental Health Nurse at the surgery totally invaluable, so would recommend people trying to see their surgeries one.

Hugs and strength to all x