All I think about

Oh, Whatthef, if only there were tips for shifting focus and finding motivation and concentration. Grief is a process that has its own timescale, in my experience, and you just have to go along with it. And there will be times when the grief is less acute and then it will come back and hit you hard.  It's been eighteen months for me, and while the brain fog has largely lifted, it's still there - and short-term memory is still shot. Be kind to yourself and do what you can do only when you can.

Hi whatthef. Im sorry you are in this rubbish situation too. My husband also died in October from a rare sarcoma, and he fills my mind a lot too. Its really early days. I am going back to work next week, phased return, and im nervous but feel in time it will help me.

If you can manage financially, can you give yourself more time before you start looking. Its quite stressful to look, write aplication, interview then get to know a new routine, colleagues etc. Do you have any bereavement support?

Keep talking, were a supportive bunch here.  

Hi whatthef.   I'm so sorry for your loss.  I lost my husband 4 weeks ago and the brain fog and panic and fear are all encompassing.  A few people have said do I want to go back to work and I honestly can't imagine it but I know that as you say it would give you a focus. 

I wondered like Malengwa if you have any bereavement support, sometimes they might have someone who can sit with you to help with application forms,  searching for jobs, that sort of thing.  I know that I can only manage 1 thing for a very short period of time at the moment, if I try to make a meal I have to sit down and gather myself together after about 10 minutes.   It's hard so maybe someone there for a set time will make it easier?

Thank you for responding and your wise words. 
He was my world and I miss him so much. 
Sounds like I will just have to go with it for a while and take baby steps.

I am on waiting list for counselling as I found this really helpful when he was diagnosed and our world came crashing down.

I have an appointment this afternoon at the Job Centre as I need to get some money coming in as I am stressing about this, so I will see what they say.

So sorry that you are all going through this awful experience too.

Just a thought, if you are under state pension age and your husband paid NI, you will be entitled to bereavement allowance, this might help you a bit. 

Thank you Malenga, the lovely guy at the Job Centre advised me of bereavement allowance, child benefit and also New Style Employment and Support Allowance.

This is all new to me as I worked from age 16! I’m now 50 and will swallow my pride and put a claim in as I had interview for job I could have done before but my mind went completely blank and I felt like I’d made a fool of myself.

I feel so much better and went food shopping on the way home and even cleaned the fridge out, Just need to motivate myself to cook and eat or I’m going to turn into a Pot Noodle!

Hoping I now am able to work through the all consuming feelings of grief whilst still thinking of my beautiful man.

Thank you all so much.

Nicangel, thank you, I’m so sorry to hear of your really recent loss. If you need to shout, scream or swear please get in touch. I am trying to get my head round this forum as don’t use social media or any online chats but will be keeping my eye on this as it finally feels like I’ve found people who truly understand. 
We need to try to support each other through something none of us wanted to experience. X 

Thanks whatthef I've been having a few bad moments these last few days.  Christmas just brings home how much I miss Nick.  He was the best of us.  I just don't know what to do really.  

I'm with my brother and family and I know i have to go home at some point to the house and start going through everything.  His things.  I can't even move his birthday cards he got 10 days before he died.  My brother and family will be with me so I won't be alone but I'm so confused. 

Sending love to you, you're managing some little things and they all add up don't they

Whathef429683, so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. All of us know how you feel and hopefully we can be of help. Never feel that you should stop talking about your husband in the presence of family or friends, and your family may feel uncomfortable purely because they are grieving too. I always bring my late wife, Lin, into conversation if there is some relevance to what is being talked about. The spouses or partners we have lost will always be a part of our life, so we should talk about them.

I would wholeheartedly recommend one to one bereavement counselling, as I did this through the local hospice and found it so helpful. It was so good to discover that all the feelings and emotions I was having is quite normal.

I wish you well with getting things sorted to help you with dealing with all the financial and emotional aspects of your bereavement.

Take care,

Derek

Totally get you that Christmas is probably the worst time, we escaped on holiday as couldn’t face it. Still I couldn’t think of anything but my husband. I miss every part of him. I don’t know what to do either.

I admire you for spending this time with your brother and family as I only want to be with our sons and the dogs.

Please don’t feel that you have to start going through everything straight away, I haven’t and find a lot of comfort in his stuff been around.

You are doing it too!

X