I'm finding it so hard

Hi Charlie

Im so sorry rhat you find yourself in this group whete none of us ever think or want to be. But we do support each other because we understand.

Its still so raw for you, Im guessing you havent had the funeral yet? My husband died in October and my whole being still aches from missing him. On the day he died he was begging to die and that still fills my nights. 

You can only do what you can each day, small baby steps. Im still at the stage where if I get up, dress and eat something that isnt chocolate or biscuits, then Ive done OK. Im learning to set fairly low bar of expectation, jyst one job each day. Maybe a phone call or an online form to complete.

Grief is mentally and emotionally exhausting, so you will feel weak. I cry at anything, I really lack any resilience. But thats ok, I no longer apologise for bursting into tears. 

Do you have any family or friends nearby. Do lean on them.

And we are all hete, talking helps. We all get it here X

His funeral is late January. My mind and head hurts from crying and always thinking about it. My husband was also begging for it to end and it was so awful to watch, but I find comfort in that he's not struggling or in pain anymore x

I am so sorry you are going through this terrible pain. I expect you are still in shock, and find the whole situation surreal. You will be feeling totally exhausted, but struggling to sleep. I know what you mean about the flashbacks, they are truly horrible. I am sending you hugs, as I am sure you need them. Kate. Xxx

Thank you Kate. I was out earlier and nearly fell asleep whilst I was walking. I have a doctors appointment soon to discuss the flashbacks. The shock and sadness is just so overwhelming x

I hope you don’t mind me mentioning a website that I found invaluable in the early days, Cruse Bereavement. There is a section on “How the Mind processes Grief.” What we have been through is extremely traumatic, and takes time to understand. Dip in when you can. I am coming up to 17 months from losing the love of my life. I am sending you strength. Kate. Xxx

Hey there Charlie, I don’t know what you’ve been through but totally understand the not wanting to start a new year and not knowing what to do with yourself.

I can’t even say that it gets easier, I lost my beautiful husband 3 months ago and still feel so scared. 

It must be so raw for you, andif you didn’t have time to prepare, that must be tough. Keep speaking is my only advice. 

Sleep is important but I do think the lack of it is part of processing what has happened.

So close to his birthday and the flashbacks must be horrific, try to look after you. 

I think we’ll always wish they were here….its shit.

Speak, when you can this is a good space to type what you want to say.

X 

It’s funny about food and appetite. 
My beautiful Valen was ripped from me 15 months ago. He did all the cooking and he was damn good at it!
The first 4 or 5 months I lived off crisps, biscuits, toast, bowls of frozen veg, supplemented by lunches with mum or sister or proper evening meals when visiting family.
Then I had a few months of cooking proper meals. Microwave meals, bangers and mash, fishfingers and chips, pies, chicken etc and a pudding. 
For the past 7 months I have lived off cheese sarnies, cheese on toast, cheese and biscuits, pot noodles and the occasional soup. Thats it, no variation.
Today I actually had beans on toast! It’s a sign of how I now survive that I see this as something to almost celebrate. Something to add to my culinary repertoire.

Just as an observation - there’s that 3 to 6 months again, that so very many of us here were told but so very few got. 
Valen got 4 weeks. He went the morning he was due to start chemo. 

For me it's two months today. Yesterday I thought I was doing ok, this morning I'm in tears and it all looks impossible. This really is the only place where people understand. I feel that everyone has moved on, don't want to talk about him, want me to be 'normal'. I know I'll never be normal again, but I'm getting better at pretending. It's easier just staying at home, not having to make the effort. I look at photos of when he was well and can't understand how he can be gone. There is no solace, only temporary distraction, but somehow we are getting through the days, although I'm not sure what for. Keep posting here. It helps a bit. It makes you feel less of an outsider in a world full of happy couples. 

The mask had to come out for me, too. The “Let’s all pretend everything is fine” view. Basically, a lot of people can’t cope (or don’t want to.). It is so upsetting, as that is when we need support the most. As for the happy couples, not all of them will be happy. Sending strength and hugs. Kate. Xxx

I'm finding things really hard too.  Its 7 weeks since Nick died.  One of the last conversations we had was me saying don't leave me.  He was determined he'd be home from hospital once the antibiotics were started. It was too much for him.  He was 49.  Its so hard.

Now I'm totally confused on what I should be doing - should I have sorted out all his financial stuff by now.  I'm waiting on the solicitor sorting out me being executor.  I keep thinking I should've done something.  But I don't know where to turn.  Can't think straight.

It's hard when people move on.  I often think, how is the world still moving.  Why isn't it on the news and everything's stopped.

Sending love to everyone