Struggling

Hi Mark I'm not that far in but feel just the same hoping it will ease eventually for all of us what I wouldn't give just to sit in silence with my wife

Hi Mark

Stumbling in the dark is a good way of putting it.  It's less than 3 months since I lost John and I still find myself thinking sometimes 'I must tell John that' and then it hits me again that I can't. I do talk to him though, but sometimes I get upset and say stupid things like 'Why did you leave me?' even though I know he never wanted to leave me! Some days are better than others but little unexpected things can set me back. I do understand how you feel about being alone. I try to do something every day to get me out, even if it's just going to the shops, so that I can be around people. Although you can still feel lonely even in a crowd can't you? One of the worst things is seeing couples talking and laughing together, holding hands, John and I always held hands, and it hits me again what I've lost. I was away most of last week visiting friends but I'm beginning to stress about this coming weekend as I have nothing planned. Keeping busy does help I find, and I have a lot of paperwork to sort - John never threw anything away! I also have to start sorting through his books, cd's, dvd's etc.  I'm seeing a bereavement counsellor today, first of 6 sessions. I'll let you know if that helps but I think at the early stage we're both at, nothing is really going to help. The only thing that gets me up in the morning and keeps me functioning is knowing that's what John wanted, he told me I was strong and I would cope, and I'm trying my best for him.

Love and hugs

Anne

Thanks duck 

It's gonna be a extra tough day today. Its my wife's birthday. I'll sign up for counselling. Hope yours goes okay, it's a step into the unknown. 

Take care the best way you can. 

Hi Mark I hope today went ok for you. It must have been very hard it being your wife’s birthday. As if the days weren’t hard enough. All I can say is I feel your pain and know what s... your going through. 

Mike 

Hi Mark

Thinking of you on what must be an extra difficult day, hope you have some company.  Not sure about the counsellor. I didn't really take to her and she didn't say anything I hadn't already heard a dozen times - be gentle with yourself, don't feel guilty, remember the happy times.......but really I suppose there's not really anything anyone can say that helps much at the moment.  I'm seeing her again in a couple of weeks, so will see how it goes then.

Take care

Anne

Thanks Mike. It's just rubbing salt into the open sore, isn't it. It'll probably hit me again when I home from work at 10pm. 

Endure. 

Hi Anne 

Thanks for that duck. My wife's cousin Lynn (60)had a few sessions after losing her dad. She said the lady was nice but after the 2nd session she said it was like talking to an agany aunt. So she stopped. Food for thought. 

Take care 

Hi all 

Just walked in from work and fell apart. Made the mistake of looking on Facebook, said I wouldn't today on her birthday. 

Self inflicted torture this time. I was ready for a good sob anyway. 

Take care all. 

Hi all 

Took a sleeping pill last night, had a few hour's sleep. Got up feeling no better. It gets harder to push the, what's the point thought from your head. Having no interest in anything and just trying to exist and get through today. It's awful that grief puts you in this dark place. Off to work at 2pm, thinking is this my life now. Work empty house then work again. Is this it for the next year's.

Just feeling rudderless /lost/lonely and down at the moment. My rational head can't process all this torment. 

Hope some of are having a better day. 

Hang on in there Mark. You know she would want you to. 

Anne x