Shuting out

Peter, why do you feel so much hatred towards yourself?

Because i failed trying to save my wife ,,and it should of been me not her she was too young so beautiful she brought so much love and kindness to the world  i should of saved her and i hate myself going to sleep niw will reply in morning if you reply back good night x

Because i failed trying to save my wife ,,and it should of been me not her she was too young so beautiful she brought so much love and kindness to the world  i should of saved her and i hate myself going to sleep niw will reply in morning if you reply back good night x

Cause i should have saved her and failed

Peter, what makes you think you could have saved your wife from dying of this terrible disease?

What could you have done to save her or make the outcome to be any different?

Where do you feel you are at fault?

She was just scared and feel it was my fault that i couldnt save i felt it was up to me as her husband and i was confident the chemo would work and then when they stopped it we had oil and that stopped her pain but not the cancer i just feel like i let her down ..its hard to undeestand or put into words what i fully mean x

Well done on trying to put into words.

Of course she was scared. I think all cancer patients are scared right after their diagnosis and all the way through their illness because cancer is such a serious disease.

Of course you were confident the Chemo would work. That is what we all did - be hopeful and confident that the Chemo or whatever other treatments our spouses were getting would work. Because we so desperately wanted them to work.

You got the oil which stopped her pain, which was a great achievement, but couldn't stop the cancer unfortunately.

Peter, I think the reason why you can't fully put into words what you mean is because some part deep down in you knows that everything you are feeling right now comes from the helplessness and despair you feel because of the intense grief you are going through right now.

Some part in you knows that you couldn't have saved her. And that's not because you weren't a good enough husband or too careless or because you overlooked something important that could have saved her. You couldn't save her in the same way that none of us here could save our spouses. Cancer is a disease where the cells in a person's body get damaged and change, are no longer able to die and divide constantly, tumors grow, the cancer spreads and, unfortunately, in so so many cases this leads to death, often so much sooner than they would have died if they had been healthy. This is not our fault. It is a disease. And it is out of our control. Even whether we ourselves get cancer or not is out of our control. So noone is to blame.

When you say "It's schocking you can't express how you feel", what makes you say that?

did you mean that it was shocking for you to see that you weren't really able to put your feelings into words or did you feel that the replies here didn't

Peter, I think McMillan was right to take the post down. Actually, you had mentioned this particular topic before and I had been asking myself when they would take the post down every single time.

There are many very vulnerable people on here. And you have to keep that in mind when you post.

I think what you reall need is some one-to-one therapy and not an online forum to work through your stuff, of which the death of your wife is only one.

Good luck in the future

Mel.