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We had such good Christmas’ when my sister and I were kids, the lounge would be full of presents and my mum would be more excited than us watching us open them. The house would smell of Christmas cooking whilst Emily and I would play with our new toys, or try on our new clothes. Mum always had more presents than us, she was a mobile hairdresser and had tonnes of clients who would shower her with beautiful gifts. It hurts to buy presents knowing that she’s not on my list to buy for this year. I dread...
Just thought it was worth popping back here with a quick update.
So I'm now onto 3 monthly checkups. I've got this small patch of osteoradionecrosis by where the end tooth is. It's on the inside of my jaw. Fortunately the tongue on the that of my mouth is partly arm, so it's can't feel the patch. That would be really annoying!
All my scars have healed up pretty well. I'm even wearing my watch over the flap scar now.
I went on the radio the other day to talk about H&N cancer...
Thursday 15th December
What a rubbish day today has been, and rubbish is putting it politely.
I got a phone call at 7.45pm last night to say that they couldn't process my blood test because the nurse who came out hadn't labelled the samples so they'd arranged for more bloods to be taken this morning, so I was up early, showered and tidied around and waited, and waited, at 12.10pm I phoned the chemo unit to tell them nobody had called yet and they said they'd chase it up. Half an hour later...
Mum has had a syringe driver and catheter fitted in the last day. She is sleeping most of the time.
I'm terrified. I'm terrified of being the only one here when she takes her last breath... I've never seen anyone die before.
I'm scared that she's in pain but unable to speak so can't have it fixed. I'm scared that she's scared....
I don't really know what to do with myself....
I learned how to crochet because she told me she never had a blanket made for her...
Wednesday 14 December
Today has been much like yesterday really, except that I had the blood sample taken ready for chemo on Friday, and some eyelashes came out this morning. I think that bothers me more than the hair going. The district nurse who called today was so lovely and kept asking me how I was, and how I was coping, but it was easier with the other nurse who called last week, she just took the blood and disappeared, she was very nice too but efficient. I find it difficult to be normal...
This is my second round of FEC tomorrow and I am once again dreading everything that comes with it!!! The smell, the sickness, diahorrea and not eating!!! But I will do it and smash it!!! I have Christmas to look forward to with my 2 young boys and amazing supportive fiancée and my birthday which I will be turning 30!!! And I will be having a few glasses of wine to celebrate!!!
Tuesday 13th December.
It's been a strange day, we went to do a bit of Christmas shopping this morning, ( it was a hat, not wig day) in a lovely little seaside town, while we were there we walked the dogs in the park, It felt like an effort to make conversation, all I could think was that last time we were there I was so happy, I had that feeling again that I wanted to wake up from this awful dream, but I know it's not a dream, it's bloody real and it's about me.
I...
Well here i am again 7 years later with breast cancer only this time with secondaries in the bone. i know my last blog said i wasnt going through with chemo but my mind was changed and i did it and then had radiotherapy and then got on with the rest of my life............ or so i thought....... found small pea size lump in the neck went to see GP and before i knew it i was having a biopsy which showed the cancer was on the move, ct and bone scans showed it was in the lymph nodes and in the sternum...
So I guess this is something I have wanted to write about for a while now, however I know this is something that will always be pretty raw for me so it's about being brave and taking the plunge I guess. "Where it all began" to me is now a part of my life that I have to live through every single day.
The way I see it is, everyone has their own story and I guess this can be a personal story regarding you, or a story about someone else that is close enough for it to effect you and basically...
So Mums lung cancer has grown a little bit more than her first x-ray in July. She's in respite because I was really starting to struggle- i was caring for her 24/7 and hardly had a break, lucky if i got an hour at a time. They put her on 30mg of MR oxycodone but that's made her very sleepy and confused. The palliative team have suggested a lower dose of oxycodon and another kid of pain relief that treats nerve pain, so hoping she gets to feel less pain soon. She's gone downhill so quickly and I am...
