Saturday 21st January.
Today has been a pleasant day, we met a friend at the beach and then walked along the coast path with the dogs high above the sea looking down and along the cliffs and beaches, it was glorious. We had a lovely pub lunch. The two hour walk was easy, it was very hilly at one point. It was reassuring that I managed the walk just as well as I did before I was diagnosed with cancer. We came home and have been lazy all afternoon. Tomorrow we have our holiday makers leaving so will have the glamping pods to clean, then we head off to Devon to see our younger daughter.
The 'but' is ... today is the first day I've felt...well horrible, I can't describe it, I think I look tired, I don't feel particularly tired but I'm looking it. I wanted to go out without thinking what to do with my bald head, it was cold so I didn't want to wear my wig, my ears and neck would get cold, so I put my hat on with my fringe and a thin hat under to stop the breeze. I put my wig in a bag so I could put in on in the loo at the pub as I didn't want to sit eating my lunch in my thick hat. Anyway we met our friend on the beach, I left my wig and bag with comb and tissues in the car as I didn't want to take the bag on the beach. I thought we would pop back to the car, but while we were on the beach they decided to walk the coast path and not go back to the car. We got to the pub and I sat there with my hat on feeling hot ugly and annoyed that I hadn't insisted on going back to the car for my wig, but I didn't want to be different or awkward, I wanted to be normal. It was my own fault for not going back to the car though.
But at the moment I realised I am different for now, I needed my wig and my tissues for my nearly hairless drippy nose that was dripping in the cold wind.
Then tonight I thought I'd get ready for bed early and get cozy, but when I washed my face I noticed my eyebrows were very light and thin, oh dear, I was hoping to hang on to my eyebrows and eyelashes but it's not looking good, it would've been nice though. Also I think my tastebuds are going on strike too.
It has been a pleasant day and the ' but' is not a major issue really, the hair will grow back, the tastebuds will recover, I have been out, seen lovely scenery, had lunch out with good company and I'm going to see my daughter tomorrow for a few days.
When I analyse things I think I am coming through this, I've been through the diagnosis, the change in treatment, the not knowing, the extra scan, the terror, the sleepless nights, the hospital stay for infection, Christmas feeling not too well, but now things seem to be running a little smoother and I am thinking of the future with more positivity every day. I can't wait to see my grandson again, when the chemo is over I'm hoping things should get easier to visit.
I am worried about the next chemo though as it's a different type, but I am going to tell myself it's not for long and at least I had half of the chemo without too many side effects.
Time to watch a film with hubby now.
Stop this ride...I want to get off!!!
