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Pat finally succumbed to all his illnesses on April14th 2015. It has been a long and often painful journey but he is at peace at last. He was superbly nursed through the end of life phase with good pain relief. I was with him at the end, which was peaceful and I am now grievng and will keep my promise to him to get on with my life. I will love him as long as I live.

Former Member over 11 years ago

A journey through throat cancer

First blog, first cancer...

This is just a little test blog. Tomorrow, I go into hospital to start chemo and radiotherapy for stage III/IV (not quite clear yet) oropharyngeal (throat) cancer. I have been really lifted and heartened by the messages of support I have received from friends scattered mainly in Belgium, Germany and the UK. Thanks und Danke schoen guys, it really, really helps. Conversations with a few dear friends have also helped - I hope for more of these!

OK, bye for now.

Cymru123 over 11 years ago

Cancer, Me and Them

Children, Chemotherapy and Buglary

Good morning. I am writing this blog whilst watching one of many history programmes that I enjoy but A get's sick of watching ;)

It is 7.52 on a Sunday morning and I have just taken lots of pain meds and whilst I wait for them to kick in I thought I would bring you up to speed. It is a long one I warn you now.

Over the past couple of days I have received many little and large gifts of beautiful flowers, slippers, socks, colouring books, colouring pens, fabulous nappy wraps (don't ask) and lots...

Former Member over 11 years ago

I've been waiting 37 years for this

memories and what has happened so far

Sat here at 2 in the morning can't sleep so here goes.

I have never tried to put my thoughts down for others to read before, thought about it but never done it so you will have to bear with me if you read past this bit.

First the title my father passed in 1980 with some sort of cancer his brother about two years earlier. my father was 47 my uncle was a couple of years older.

the worry this put in my mind was quite stressful and for ages after I wondered if it was a family thing as my grandparents...

Former Member over 11 years ago

Cancer, Me and Them

Fate and Smiling

I wasn't going to blog today. I was going to wait until tomorrow.

I had a bad night last night. I reacted to the morphine, it made me feel oh so sick. Very sick.

Our friends had taken the children off our hands for a few hours so we could go out by ourselves. We chose to go for a walk along the river. We talked how we look like a normal couple enjoying a walk, we talked about how you never really know what a person is carrying about inside them. I was learning already but now I know you must never...

Former Member over 11 years ago

Cancer, Me and Them

Bouncing Back, Boats and Mortality

Since we told the children they have bounced back to their normal way of life but they are more clingy. After years of not wanting cuddles my eldest is cuddling me on and off all day and my little girl wants to sit close to me lots. She has been drawing me pictures telling me she loves me.

Thankfully the twins are too young to understand and they are expecting me to be me, this distracts me and helps me to forget, for a short while.

It is scary being forced to face your own mortality at a young age...

Former Member over 11 years ago

Cancer, Me and Them

Home

I came home yesterday, not really sure I wanted to but I did all at the same time.

Coming home meant I really had to accept my lot, I had to continue my life but as a cancer patient.

Coming home meant we had to tell the children.

How do you tell your children something like this?

Our beautiful children. I am going to break their hearts.

I wish I didn't have to do it.

Within minutes of being home the boys insisted on a breastfeed, I love feeding them and I know that I have to stop. Chemo and breastfeeding...

Former Member over 11 years ago

Cancer, Me and Them

Results Are In

Today my nemesis got a name.

I have bladder cancer. I am highly unusual apparently, normally men over 50 who smoke get it. Go me! I always like to be individual.

I will have to start chemo next week and fairly aggressive chemo at that. We sat in the office, my husband and I, with two nurses, one doctor and a consultant. It was exactly like you see on the telly complete with dramatic breakdown of patient and patients partner. We clung onto each other and sobbed.

We went outside and sat in the sunshine...

Former Member over 11 years ago

Cancer, Me and Them

Home, My Babies and Back Again

I was allowed home on day release on Sunday. It was wonderful, home cooked food (who manages to survive on nhs food?) and most importantly cuddles with my with babies.

I breastfed them. It was relaxing and Affirming. I slept in our bed and had sleepy cuddles with them.

Yesterday I came back to hospital to be seen by the pain team. Or not as it turned out. Too busy to see me I guess. So another day wasted, who knows how many of those I have? I should be spending as many as possible with my beautiful...

Former Member over 11 years ago

Cancer, Me and Them

Pain and Telling Them

I am sitting here at 3am rolling around in pain as per. I have taken everything I can. I just have to manage.

So I am watching Brad Pitt because I figure if I am in pain he at least might make me smile?

They want to help. The nurses are caring and understanding but I am angry. Angry that I have this thing, angry it wasn't found sooner and angry that I wanted it to be someone else. I wanted someone to have this pain, this uncertainty and this Hell.

Yesterday I started telling people. Hardest thing...

Former Member over 11 years ago

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