I was allowed home on day release on Sunday. It was wonderful, home cooked food (who manages to survive on nhs food?) and most importantly cuddles with my with babies.
I breastfed them. It was relaxing and Affirming. I slept in our bed and had sleepy cuddles with them.
Yesterday I came back to hospital to be seen by the pain team. Or not as it turned out. Too busy to see me I guess. So another day wasted, who knows how many of those I have? I should be spending as many as possible with my beautiful family.
Made the mistake of asking the Dr about the tumour this morning. I asked if there was any chance it would be benign. Apparently highly unlikely. I went on the Internet. Stupid move, I have self diagnosed myself with state 3/4 ovarian cancer. Consequently I have been in tears again for the past two hours. I am doubting my ability to do this, to take this path, travel this road.
I am told positivity is the key. Not feeling so positive right now.
Speak soon xxx
