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Hi, well todays been a rough one, theres been lots of tears in the house, including me. its horrid to see your once very strong and independant mum turn into a totally dependant one who sleeps all day and cries like a baby when she is awake. I wish this wasnt happening to her, i wish i could take it all away and bring my mum back, but i can't. I dont know how i will cope for the forseeable future. we are supposed to be moving into a bungalow next month too and im all on my own so have no idea how...
With everything going so quickyl downhill lately, the young ones are well aware how poorly daddy is. One tries to stay out of the way and avoid it all by going upstairs to play; one draws pictures and makes cards and sings to him, trying to will him better; the other gets drinks, takes rubbish, brings food, holds his hand. But none of them are safe from his hurtful words. He says them without realising. The old version of him wouldn't dream of speaking tot hem in this way. But the tumours on...
Its not death that scares us, we are born to die, death is inevitable, death is a new begining like life is the path to the end. We are used to live with death on our side and therefor we respect the life even more.
The fear starts when love wraps our life in layers of despair for we dont die and vanish in abiss, we live behind an empty space, a stench of suffering and lost for what we love and live for. Alone, unloved and dying without bringing suffering to no one or dying sorounded by loved ones...
It was only two and a half months ago that I turned 39. My birthday "bash" was great. Cancer was pretty much put to one side, and we all partied like it was 1999, haha. Photos of john and his brothers and me and my ex-workmates. Everyone looked so cheerful and we all really enjoyd each others' company.
Fast forward a month an a half and John is having trouble. So bad he needs a syringe driver and can't remember where the toilet is or how to use a fork. He improved after the steroids...
Well the weekend was good until Monday morning!! Good things never seem to last that long, I guess the trick is continuing to look as in the life of Brian -- always look on the good side of Life!!
My cousin struggling, and I have no doubt she will win, with lymphatic cancer! She has now completed the cycle of treatment, can once again breathe properly and eat, but has had to change her GP as it seems the first one is less than helpful! Her carer diagnosed with testicular cancer, and he is such...
Sandy Bay looking toward the firing range at Straight Point.
I hadn't realised quite how low I felt at the time of the last post. Things have, however, taken a consderably better turn: the full report on the repeat scan result after two cycles of chemotherapy shows "improvement in all areas" - all of the affected lymph nodes in my chest and throat have shrunk measurably. While I know it's not going to be a permanent fix, at least it means the planned palliative treatment seems to be working...
Went to the hospital today for my results and have been told that it is not cancer. It's a benign lump and is called Fibroadenoma and is linked to hormone levels. I can't begin to express the relief i felt when the consultant told me. Hugs to those who need them and big thanks to those of you who have supported me and offered help and hugs.
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