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Hope on your face,
A friend in a scary place,
Light and fright,
The day and night...
An eternal sunny warning,
"You'll feel better in the morning",
As you mind and wash hair,
You are kind and you are there…
You understand my dignity,
You find a misplaced leech for me,
We rank the scales of pain,
While morphine keeps me sane...
Tissues for my issues,
The moments we misuse,
Good smelling, soothed swelling,
My Gallic rebelling...
We laugh, we are still strong...
Today is my last day at work before I go off for a break and get myself geared up for a slightly less pressured start to radiotherapy. I nearly skipped out of the door but of course I feel awful for going off, even on annual leave in case anyone needs anything. Seriously need to care a bit less about my job I think.
I'm caffeine propelled too today. I got up at 5am in the end because I was devastated that while I was sleeping I'd accidentally murdered my friend teapot. I'd been trying to find a...
I think it's fair to say that with just one day left at work, I'm ready to let go. Mentally I've very little room for any more. I've been carrying cancer, a project, a team of nearly 20 and the various emotional needs of the people around me since I got cancer, for 3 and a half months. Now I know I'm just 1 day at work away from going off for some time and starting radiotherapy I can feel myself losing grasp of my normal, albeit gobby, reasonable manner.
I'm finding it increasingly...
Two more days at work to go. I'm all out of steam because my head's done in and I'm exhausted but I'm hanging on. I'm on annual leave all next week anyway so aside from Peak District-ing, seeing a couple of friends and a whole heap of hospital appointments/radiotherapy, I'll be doing some serious hardcore sleeping! Still can't get over how tired I am ALLLLLL the time. I'm 26 years old and I'm in my jarmies and having a nap straight after work just to keep me up long enough to smile at Hairy, call...
I know I've said it before but if dreams have any true reflection on a person's mental state, I fear it may already be too late for me. I woke this morning with I guess an over due panic attack. Had I thought I'd found yet another blasted tumour I might even have forgiven my brain for choosing for us to start the day in such an undignified manner but do you know what I was dreaming of when this panic attack arrived? Was it cancer? Murder even? Nope! I woke up, panic attacking up to the eye balls...
So here goes nothing...
On November 26th 2013, my Mom and Step Dads Wedding Anniversary and also the Anniversary of my Great Nans death (She passed before I was born), my mom was dealt the devastating blow that she had Cancer.
We were told the primary Cancer was Lung, but that it had spread to the Lymph Node and they were querying other areas.
Seven months later, we are still not really sure. They are unsure if it is in my moms adrenal gland, which would make her incurable. We are waiting for...
Well even after it being 20 years clear from ALL, I still have things that I am trying to resolve, mainly about appearance and confidence in what I look like.
I guess the main issue is that following 'precautionary' cranial radiotherapy, the hair on the top of my head has never really grown back, just the same as my eyebrows.
These things really do make feel very self conscious about what I look like when I am meeting people, or going for a job interview. With the job thing, I know people...
