Hello again,
I haven’t posted here since I was declared cancer free just shy of two years ago. Now I’m worried it may be back. I’ve had my regular appointments every 3 months and usually with a nurse rather than my oncologist and they even told me that if my next appointment (Thursday the 23rd) goes well I’ll be bumped to every 6 months. But I don’t think that’s going to happen, I’ve been a bit worried before my last few appointments and brought my concerns up but they were sure it was nothing (the nurse brought in my oncologist for a quick look last time). Shortly after my last surgery I had a skin tag show up on my clitoris (clitoral hood??), and my doctor wasn’t concerned about it. But my last few appointments I’d been very itchy/dry in that area every once in a while, at one point I scratched so hard I started to bleed and was in pain for a few days after. At my last appointment they just told me to stop using soap and gave me lubrication to help with dryness. I switched to gentle unscented baby soap and that did help a little, because I think I was allergic to whatever I was using as I’d get rashes in other areas. But I still do get occasional itching and now I’m worried that I feel multiple growths. I feel a spot right under the skin tag and another just below it I think, although I’m not 100% on that one because it could be scarring from my previous 3 surgeries. I’m kind of freaking out at this point because I physically and emotionally don’t think I can handle a 4th surgery. I’m only 23, when I was diagnosed at 20, my life was a complete mess, I’d just failed out of school and wasn’t in the best place mental health wise, so cancer hadn’t really hit me very hard. But now I’ve got it together, I have two jobs and I’m in school to be a nurse. I can not have cancer disrupt my studies, my jobs or my bills. On top of that I work at the hospital that I got my treatment at. Also I’m terrified that I’ll lose my clitoris. I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that my labia has giant pieces missing and that it’ll never be the same. I’m also still a virgin, never had sex and now I’m worried cancer will ruin it before I even get the chance. I’m sorry for the rambling and not very well thought out paragraphs, I’m just really worried this time. The last few times I was concerned I never spiraled this far but I really think something is wrong this time. I would love if y’all could reassure me that this (possible) recurrence wont be the end of the world.
