Hi all, I'm new here. Oddly I didn't seek support or look for help throughout my mums diagnosis back in March. I totally had it. I've depended on her so much over the past 7 years as she made it possible for me to work since having my son. So it wasn't even in question that I'd care for her throughout her recovery from surgery. End of June comes and it's going to have to be chemo. OK, I've got that too. I'll take her, I'll cook, clean, shop. The list goes on. This is getting tough to manage now, I'll leave work. I'll care full time. No problem, I've totally got this. Radiotherapy is on the agenda come November. Alright, this sounds doable, even with Christmas smack bang in the middle. I'll sort Christmas.
So with Christmas over, radiotherapy all but over and my very independent mum being self sufficient again I find myself feeling surplus to requirements. I've longed for this day where she is in remission, she has engery and is being positive. But I am spiraling down into quite a deep depression. I am having a major come down. I've tried filling the void but that makes it worse, it's like I have all this reserved energy, stress and anxiety and by trying to distract myself with something adds another layer it doesn't redirect it. Agh so hard to explain. So now what....? Does anyone know? Lots of love xxx
You'll be okay. Just give yourself time. I think what you are going through is pretty understandable. It's sounds like you are experiencing an anti-climax. All that adrenaline building up in you, ( which is a survival hormone) and then suddenly there is nowhere for it go, and you're left feeling flat... And also the expectation that you would feel great, when your mum goes into remission, but you don't... Although you are deep inside, of course. No wonder you feel depressed. But it will even itself out. Maybe you're expecting too much of yourself too soon. Sounds like you've been much like a Wonder Woman, for so long, you've forgotten how not to be. I hope that makes sense. As you say, it's hard to explain. But I would say, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. We go through a huge range of emotions, in times such as these. Some just take longer to work through ,than others....
But you will be okay.
Linda, reading your reply brought me an overwhelming sense of relief. The finding it hard to explain was so frustrating, I needed an explanation and an answer. But it's OK that its muddled, that it isn't logical and it's all normal. Thank you for that. I think realigning my expectations of self is the way forward and just letting it be over time. I very much appreciate you taking the time to read my post and to reply in such an understanding way. Lots of love xxx
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