Life on pause

Hi Imok 

Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.

It is quite common when people come on here that they talk about being selfish when they talk about themselves. Actualy many carers do find they do need to become a little bit selfish in order to protect something for them.

What type of cancer are you coping with. My wife has Leiomyosarcoma, it is incurable but after two different chemo therapy sessions the doctors managed to render it stable and it has remained that way now for over 10 years. As my wife puts things living with cancer rather than any alternative.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Your not being selfish at all. Our lives are completely on pause while supporting the people we love through this crappie time. I feel like I've been on pause since 2013 and there is no me anymore. 

We bumble along from 1 cancer diagnosis to another ( on number4 now) not knowing if the next infection will trigger something else and what the outcome will be.  I confess to negative thoughts about it all and then beat myself up sor thinking them. 

I don't know what the answer is everyone thinks life is hunky dory for us. We must be hood actor's. 

So basically the answer for me is I don't. But I pretend i am ok i put the strong face on and keep on acting

I'll keep bumbling along. 

I'm looking after my wife who has lung cancer. My world seems to have completely shrunk and everything seems to revolve around cancer. I feel bad worrying about the future and how I will cope if I lose her.

My husband has terminal throat cancer with lung metastasis. My life has shrunk too. Life just revolves around cancer. I’m starting to do small things for me, and this helps. A short walk, a bit of pampering, meeting a friend for a quick coffee (and not talk about cancer). 
You are facing something which is devastating for your wife and for you. Please remember that you are important. Take one day at a time and keep talking. 

Thank you Lizzie. Means alot. Definitely not getting out much but that's not my wife's fault mnI just feel less motivated to contact people.

“I’m ok” what’s going on trumps everything. I feel like I can’t do anything for myself…..I’d like to meet old friends and plan things but can’t. I always feel guilty for being able to do things. You wish you could help but you can’t. You can’t fix them. Only watch them suffer. Then more guilt. 

It’s easy to fall into isolation. This cancer journey does not give you time to process so you’re constantly on catch up. If you haven’t already, I recommend speaking to MacMillan through their helpline. You can call for your needs and for advice, you can also speak to a cancer specialist nurse if you have medical questions. They are amazing and will be able to reassure you that what you’re feeling is valid. None of us wanted this and we are unprepared for how devastating it is. 

This is exactly how I feel…guilty for wanting to do ‘normal’ things