Keeping up appearances

Hi Sue,

Really a very common issue so thank you for asking the question, it can be so very hard dealing with the everything is ok at the moment thanks and you are so right it is not your hubby's fault. Some people don't want anyone to know they are affected by cancer because of this where people might want to seem to be supportive but it can come over the wrong way.

I did a living with less stress course with Maggie's that helped me to concentrate more on the here and now, the controlled breathing exercises were really helpful too for those bad news moments. The transcendental bits did not really work for me though.

There are some pages on here about looking after someone with cancer and I am sure you will recognise some of the issues raised in that. Perhaps the most important thing many people say here though is the importance of being kind to yourself.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi,

Just wanted to say you are doing great.  It’s ok to go for counselling, my dad has Small cell lung cancer, he’s had three years of treatment and we are now nearing the end as he has brain mets.  He is at home and we are supporting him with the help of community nurses and amazing carers. 
I booked myself to see a counsellor quite early on in his diagnosis, and have dipped in and out at different stages when I felt it was all getting too much, so lovely to have someone listen, not judge and help with your emotions.  I have also taken up yoga, and I get to class when I can. Sometimes even just a walk in the fresh air can feel amazing.  I have just finished a great  book which is called The needs of the dying, which was a great comfort for me. 
There is no right or wrong way to feel, I just try and do what helps me to get through. I must admit the odd glass of wine with friends has helped too. 
I know it is difficult caring for a loved one, please take care of you.  
Sending you and your husband positive thoughts 

Take care 

Thank you. It's a bit overwhelming isn't it. I just don't want counselling to make him feel bad for me. 

Hi Sue, 

Gosh yes it can be so very overwhelming.  If you feel you need some counselling and you find the right one it can really help.  Do you have to tell your husband you are going, could you tell him you were popping out for something else.  I did not tell my family in the beginning, it was something just to help me feel better.  I have told them now and suggested it to other members of the family.  I also have  a friend who is a counsellor and she has been a great help. 
I have also recently moved and now have a pond, so I have a little chat with my fish.  I have also named one after my dad, my mum thinks I’ve gone mad !!  But it makes me smile. 

Hi,

Sadly the cancer society I reached out to mistakenly called his mobile... he knows I asked or I would have done as you suggested.

I hope he gets some counselling too really.

Love that you named your fish after your dad. You may be entirely bonkers but, as it says in Alice in Wonderland, all the best people are.