No-one tells you how much of a whirlwind diagnosis and treatment is for wife or partner. My husband is a veteran and was at a gathering of veterans when someone mentioned they were getting their PSA tested. No symptoms but as it was free my husband said he would too. That was in end of June, within 4 weeks he had the PSA test, scan, and then biopsy. By 3rd week of July we were preparing for surgery.
All the while everyone was brilliant, caring asking how he was. He was better than i was. All the time I am shouting silently in my head I am not ok. I was scared out of my mind thinking what if's etc.
The operation day came and we are sat waiting in Pre-Op he's laughing and joking , I guess he was just as frightened as I was but neither or us would give in to it and have conversation about it. The operation was a success and he was discharged the next day with a bag of painkillers and tena pads. He also had 28 days supply of injections that he had to have. I have never given an injection in my life and now I'm having to do it daily! For the first 2 weeks he slept in the spare bedroom for fear of the catheter leaking. This is not explained to partners/wives as all the talk is around the cancer and the patient. I'm not saying that is wrong but it should have included my emotions also.
One thing that was explained was the ED that would be caused by the radical removal of the Prostate. We have talked about this together and the conclusion my husband came to was at least he doesn't have cancer! Which yes I agree but it has cost us our intimacy and we are (I'm not) in no way ready to become celibate. That being said he has now been prescribed a pump, had it a week.
And whilst all this was happening my daughter had a miscarriage and we lost my Father in Law. 2025 was in the words of the late queen an Annus Horribilis.
I guess what I am trying to explain that although he had cancer and he had treatment and he had the operation. It affected me as much but only emotionally and I am still trying to deal with this emotionally after ensuring that he is ok and cared for. I am far more emotional now than when this was all happening last year and I think it has finally hit me like a damn train.
Hi shrub
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.
I am in some ways in the opposite position to you in that my wife had pyometra that caused her womb to rupture and led to sepsis and an emergency hysterectomy. If was only when she was eventually diagnosed with leiomyosarcoma though and that led to her lung collapsing that things finally became too much for me and I reached out for help.
Still in some ways a little similar too in that I have a benign enlarged prostrate. Definitly relate to how emotional things can get and something that helped me was looking at your feelings when someone has cancer and being able to accept those feelings as normal helped me feel a bit less overwhelmend.
Something we found was that we could be more open with each other about how we feel and I think perhaps that made us closer than ever - but it is not always easy.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi RosieCat2011,
I had the same thoughts as you, does he care what I think or feel? After joining this group and voicing my feelings I plucked the courage to talk to him about how it has affected me, which I don't think he realised. Since the initial conversation we have become closer and are able to talk alot more openly.
Like your husband he had no sensation. he is also quite laid back about it, which I was finding frustrating but didn't want to push. It was 6 months after the catheter being taken out that he had the urology appointment to get the pump. He has had it for just over a month and it is a long road ahead, but we have been told if this doesn't work there are some other options. I have done so much research into this and have been to his appointments, asking probably far too many questions but if I don't he won't. I don't want to
I wish we didn't have to be on this horrendous path as it can be very lonely. I hope you and your husband get the help soon. Ask the Urology department or call the Oncology team any time you have questions.
I wish you well 
