On my own after 44 year a

Hello Buttercup. So so diffficult - really sorry to hear your experience and the pain of not being able to visit. Loosing a partner is different from loosing a parent, and if there are expectations that you are there for everyone else that makes it hard. And another lockdown means more isolation. I hope that you can get some support from being here. A strong theme of how painful to loose a partner.  Sending you a virtual sitting alongside with a cup of coffee visit.  

Hi Buttercup

You are not alone with the way you are feeling.

I was with my hubby married for 53years and like you the only person i have loved, and was always the two of us.

I went through the kids do not understand,  and they do not really, yes it was there dad different relationship, to that of husband and wife.

Its been a year for me now, have since told the kids, how i felt at the start, lost, cut in half, did not know who i was, was  always the two of us but who is Ellie We made every decision together, now its me on my own, but i can say i am just starting to find i can do things, that i have never every down before, surprise my self sometimes.

You will get there, it is early days for you, every one is different, i did one day at a time and then a week was gone, have to say i had to do at least one job a day, even if it was just clearing out a kitchen cupboard.

Every one here understands the emotions and grief one goes through when you lose the other half of you, only people in this situation truly know.

I have had so much support here and always some one to listen.

Take Care Ellie xx

Hi buttercup

Ellie is right what she is saying Ellie had all ways been he when I have bad days  come on here vent  your anger or how you are feeling we are all friends on here 

take care 

Martin 

ok martin, what a miserable week with the rain.

Hi Ellie 

I just get out of bed go to work like a robot so have you been doing jobs in the house this week can’t do much in your garden in this week 

take care 

Martin x

Hi  Marin

Well yes a few jobs, but had no heating or hot water Monday night till Thursday afternoon, so was a bit stuck. Though sorted now.

So tomorrow have a few jobs to day that i need water for.

.Start of another week, do no know where the time is going to.

Just been talking to daughter and son phones at nine. You still doing days at the moment or have they changed you over.

Take Care Ellie x

Hi Ellie 

still on days they said  thier is no job being signed off at the moment will have to for some one to retire then they can’t say no lol 

you have not had had a good week have you but you carry on finding things to do 

and the children ring you and you friend is still ring you once a week 

staying busy keeps us all going 

take care 

martin x

C'mon it's time to build you up Buttercup (sorry it's a daisy) your feelings are completely normal. I kept telling myself the same thing that Colin was in hospital and would be home soon- I  wish! 30 weeks have gone by, some days have flashed by and others/lots have dragged.  There's so much to do in the early days. Crying is good, we need that release of emotion, to keep 'stuff' bottled up does us no favours at all so just let it go and take some paracetamol and deep breaths to deal with the things only you have to. Covid is a b!tch isn't it?  While up to 6 people can meet in a garden (till 5 nov) meet a friend or sis in law- just be sensible, they can't change anything but will listen while you open up a bit. It's hard if like me your friends haven't 'been there' I found a stranger who isn't emotionally involved can be more of a help than someone who knew you both. 

• Going back to work helps too, after the initial thing of going through the doors and facing colleagues it's amazing how soon we fall back into the routine.  

Keep posting and reading Buttercup- I guarantee someone has been in your shoes- and in time you will be able to reply to someone who is where you are now. 

Xx