Moving on

Hi mark1968, im sorry to read about the death of your wife and wanted to say hello. Noone wants to be in this group but we find ourselves here. 

I lost my husband in October, to a rare but aggressive sarcoma. Tony was also my best friend, and apart from choir and work, we did everything together as well. Its so hard when thats the life you had and its ripped away from you, and suddenly you are alone and having to navigate this strange new world with the very person who should be walking with you. 

Have you had a funeral yet? Once that is over, it can feel so bad as your energy has been taken up with that. 

I am still very much learning, as are most of us. Take any support offered by friends or family, and be prepared to ask for it ( I find asking so hard). Take one step at a time. If you cant face anything one day, dont. Try not to be hard on yourself, not easy I know. Cry when you need to, every day in my case. I try to go out but I find some groups too big as Im really quite shy. 

Its ok to be struggling, but is there someone you can talk to? Any bereavement group in your area? You might want to think about joining Way up, this is online group just for the widowed and they do meet ups around the country, sadly none in my area. Connecting with others who understand can be really helpful.

We are a supportive bunch here, so you can say things we all get, and its safe here. 

One big hug coming your way

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I find it helps to still talk to Anne. Little things like when I brew up, I look over at where she sits (got to use present tense) and ask if she wants one too; I also discuss the television programme that I / we are watching. 
The funeral was last week and I got very drunk at the wake and said some things there that I didn’t really mean. My “support network” where I live has been poor in my view. The main people who were / are there for me are an old school friend who lives 25 miles away and 2 work colleagues who live even further away. My eldest son (29) hasn’t talked to me since the wake. It really hurts. 

Yes talking is important too. I tell Tony about my days, especially if I have trouble with trains or buses. I ask him what he thinks. 

Finding new networks is so hard, Ive been to a few things but struggled. I have lovely colleagues who I do meet up with, can you do something like meet half way? Just a cuppa, beer or lunch can often lift spirits.

Do you think your eldest is struggling with their own grief? I know my daughter is, even though she is mids 30s, she adored her dad. 

Way up that I mentioned also do online meet ups, if thats something of interest to you. 

Was your wife connected with a hospice at all, they sometimes off bereavement support.

Yes she died in the Hospice. I do need to check on what they can offer.

My sons were all so close to her; she was so good at the parenting part of it all, I left her too it. All three were deeply hurt so hopefully time is a healer. 

Thank you for replying; it’s hard around here to find someone who has gone through the same as we have.