Carotid Blowout - anyone lost their partner to this?

Hello aitch. 

Just wanted to say hello and welcome to this space, the place none of us would choose to be but find ourselves here anyway

Im sorry to read about your partners death, I dont have experience of that, and so very recent for you too. You will not surprisingly be just in a blur whilst reliving those moments.

I lost my husband in October and in the end he was begging to die, they could not settle his pain. I cant ever unhear or unsee that. 

Many of us here talk about feeling alone because our grief is different from others. We may not share the same story but there are often similarities in our experiences and our feelings. We are a very supportive bunch and this is safe space to say what we need to. 

Do you have any support from family or friends? Take any support offered at this awful time.

One big hug coming your way, do talk here when you feel up to it.

I’m so sorry for your loss. That must have been incredibly painful and traumatic to go through. You’re not alone in this—there are others who understand what you’re feeling, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. I hope you’re able to find some comfort and support here. Sending you strength

Oh bless you, I lost my husband 2 years ago to pancreatic cancer which had spread to his liver before he was diagnosed. I won’t go into to much detail as I don’t want to trigger anyone but the final hour was much more violent and horrific than anyone could imagine. We were at home as per his wishes with no medical support on hand and me and our three sons did our best but I can only liken it to a war zone. Witnessing what we did left its mark on all of us. 
It’s all incredibly raw for you and having been in a similar situation my heart goes out to you. 
For a long time all I could think about was what we had witnessed, I was weirdly obsessed with knowing what had happened and why it happened and it didn’t help to know that the situation was incredibly rare. 
Please know that it time what you are remembering will be replaced with happy memories. 
I eventually had a few sessions with a psychologist, not because  I wanted to but because everyone said I should. I’m not sure it helped it just ticked a box for me but I know it helped our boys.  
please be gentle with yourself. I still haven’t described to anyone what happened in the final hour. It’s still to raw and probably always will be but the pictures in your head will eventually recede to be replaced with more gentle memories. 
keep talking if you can even if it’s only to us anonymously. I only jointed a couple of weeks ago and I feel less alone. This is a safe space x

You describe it so well when you say warzone. I’m so sorry you had to go through something so horrific as well. 
I can’t even begin to explain how it has affected me, it’s wiped out so much of the happy memories, but I know they’ll return. Like you, the CB was such a rare occurrence, which we were warned about, but never believed that the bad luck would continue to his final days, and totally unexpected also. We were told that morning he had less than 2 months. I didn’t envisage it would be that night. 

My son and my best friend were there too, we’ve all been told we’ll need some therapy around the PTSD we’re experiencing. Luckily I was having counselling before all of this, and so it continues, but my son needs some as does my friend. The trauma will remain, but in a weird way, it’s brought us closer together. To witness something like that together has made us huddle and hold each other. 

Thank you so much for sharing. It must have be hard to, so I appreciate it. It’s a weird comfort. My heart and thoughts are with you also xx 

I will continue to reach out, find my safe spaces and allow myself to ride all the waves and emotions ️‍

You may not realise it yet but by reaching out you have taken a huge first step.
You are braver than you know. This whole journey is a marathon, it’s very very early days for you. Waves is good description, for me I was either engulfed or numb. They will become gentler, you will eventually be able to control when you cry albeit at unexpected times and things you don’t expect will hurt. I had to dispose of the bed mattress and I felt like I was throwing our marital bed out. Losing him all over again and moving on too quickly.