Grace

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Saw this today and felt I needed to hear this, actually made me cry, so sharing for anyone who needs to hear this too...

You need to give yourself more grace.

I know you're being hard on yourself. I know you're judging every breakdown, every canceled plan, every moment you're "not handling it well."

I know you're comparing yourself to who you were before. And you're disappointed that you're not that person anymore.

But you need to stop.

Because what you're going through requires grace. So much grace.
Grace for the days you can't get out of bed. Grace for the times you snap at people who don't deserve it. Grace for forgetting things, for being late, for not following through.

Grace for crying in public. For avoiding places that remind you of them. For not being able to handle things you used to handle easily.

Grace for the fact that some days, just surviving is all you can manage.

You're carrying an impossible weight. You're living through the worst thing that's ever happened to you. You're trying to function in a world that doesn't make sense anymore.

And you're doing it. Badly, maybe. Messily, definitely. But you're doing it.

That deserves grace.

You wouldn't expect someone with a broken leg to run a marathon. You wouldn't judge someone recovering from surgery for needing time to heal.

So why are you judging yourself for struggling with grief?
Grief is an injury. A deep, devastating wound that doesn't heal on anyone else's timeline. And you need to treat yourself like someone who's been hurt.

With gentleness. With patience. With grace.

Stop holding yourself to impossible standards. Stop comparing grief-you to before-you. Stop expecting yourself to function like you did when your world was intact.

You're not the same. And that's okay.

Give yourself permission to be different. To be struggling. To be a work in progress.

Give yourself permission to not be okay.

And when you mess up—when you cancel plans, when you forget things, when you can't handle what you used to handle—give yourself grace.

Not because you're weak. Not because you're failing.
But because you're human. And you're grieving. And that's hard enough without adding self-judgment on top of it.

So be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself. Be gentle with yourself.

Give yourself the grace you'd give anyone else going through what you're going through.

You deserve it.

Even on the days you don't feel like you do.
Especially on those days.

Written by: Aimee Suyko - In Their Footsteps

#loss #death #grief #grieving #griefsupport #griefjourney

  • Hi PBD7

    Made me cry too, every word is true and thankyou for sharing.

    I am always being told I am hard on myself, yet I dont know how not to be. I get upset because I got upset at xyz.

    I like the likening to an injury. Because it is exactly that. 

    I must try to allow myself grace..

  • They are beautiful words, I’ve just spent the evening with one of my 3 grown sons. I’ve always tried to be the strong, brave woman they think I am, to cry in private and not tell them how truly broken I am. I failed miserably tonight, my emotion came gushing out and I broke my golden rule I’ve always had since they were little that I must not darken their beutiful world by letting them see my grey skies. 
    He told me it’s important I be honest, that I stop protecting them and allow them to protect me now. 
    I was beating myself up for crying and reading this came just at the right time to allow myself grace. 
    Thank you for sharing it. 

  • Me too, it's hard not to be isn't it?

    Especially as I hate the person I've become, I no longer recognise myself. 

    Sometimes I've likened myself to an injured animal.

    We must try...I know for sure if I had a friend like me I wouldn't treat them the same way as I do myself. Sad...

  • I'm glad it came at the right time for u.

    Maybe it's not such a bad thing for you to be vulnerable with your sons at this time, like they say they can protect you a little now, when you need it most.

  • I read In  their footsteps too. Reading the comments by others going through the same helps me realise ...I'm not going mad , I;m not the only one who is Angry because they have been robbed of the future they had planned . Having panic attacks and melt downs . +all the other things we experience along with the deepest sadness and Heartache we will ever know. 

  • Thankyou for sharing this. I had a total meltdown at my hospice bereavement group yesterday; everyone was so kind but I felt disappointed in myself because they are all grieving too and why was I the one who was crying. I feel weak and pathetic, I used to be strong and capable, I don't like this new me. I will try to give myself grace and realise that I need more time. I think we all need that. 

  • I hear you.

    Meltdowns are a release and needed. Don't feel bad, we feel embarrassed when they happen but those in the know understand, for those who don't, forget about them.

  • Ive done this at bereavement group and havent been back since. I find these melt downs so distressing. I will try again, but not yet.

  • It;s embarrassing, but acceptable that it can easily happen. It's the reason I haven't joined a face to face bereavement group. I have cried every day since my Husband died . And that's more than I've ever cried throughout my whole  life. And I know for a fact I would do exactly the same as you did. I'm sure others at that group have done the same at some point. And surely they understand . 

  • Thank you, I am crying at the moment. It is sometimes so hard to find the courage to carry on. I went to the GP’s yesterday. I have taken a backseat on my health for several years (due to looking after husband), I thought I would have some blood tests to check for diabetes, and general health. All clear.  The Doctor looked after my husband, and asked me how I was. I said that I pretend a lot to others, and that if he wants the truth, ‘I feel as though my life is over’, and the only reason I am here is to guide and protect our family. He then asked me to think of something I could do, that makes me happy. I looked at him blankly, there isn’t anything that I can think of that truly brings me pleasure for any more. I know I was fortunate to have a deep and lasting love for 40 years, the problem is that I am not doing well without my darling. Kate. xxx