I lost my partner of 15 years on the 18 th June 2025 . He was only diagnosed on may 2nd . I have struggled with his death . He was only 51 . He was scared and he would be so cross that he’s dead . I’m seeing a counsellor but I cry every day even on good days . I feel very alone without him. I miss him so much . I’ve started a night class I see my friends and family but I feel like I’m just going through the motions . Also there are so many challenges that are different for a widow in this age bracket . Is there anyone out there around my age who gets it ?
We all of us on her, sadly, get it. It’s coming up to a year and a half this month since my beautiful Valen was ripped from my side in a traumatic way. We were told he would get 3 to 6 months if he started chemo straight away. We had been told just 4 months earlier that his surgery and radiotherapy had worked. But the cancer returned with a devastatingly invasive and fast vengeance. We got 4 weeks. He was, and will, now forever be, 56.
I have cried every day for nearly 18 months. Sometimes several short bursts. Other days it’s nearly all day. I go for a walk every day. Come rain, shine, wind, snow. I have to get out. I volunteer 4 days a week, see my sister 1 day a week, see my mum 3 days a week. Craft club once a week. But when I get home and shut the door, it’s just me and my aloneness and spiralling thoughts.
We talk on here about the masks we wear in front of others.
I have Valen here in the casket he chose when he planned his funeral. I also have a tiny piece of him in the necklace I wear that he also chose for me. I talk to him constantly. Everything is so much harder. I am far me easily frustrated by simple tasks. Concentration shot. Decision making difficult.
Everyone said “It will get easier after the first year. After the first anniversary, birthday, Christmas”. But they are all people who still have their other halves or are single. What the hell do they know.
But we are all different. We all experience this horror in our own ways. Some on here are farther down this path and still struggle daily. Others have been on the path for less time and have been able to adjust more quickly. But we do all get it. We listen, advise, share. Are true with each other. So don’t be afraid to do so as well.
