Realising its permanent

Hi Chelseadog,

I know how you feel. I lot my Bob 17th January and i've felt lockdown has given me chance to really grieve but now things are starting to return to some kind of normality that is scaring me as it makes me realise that i have to carry on the rest of my life alone and he is not coming back and i'm scared.

I still cry every day, i sleep with his shirt, i talk to his picture every night and i cuddle his ashes when i'm scared and overwhelmed.

All i can say is life is shit. Nothing seems to matter anymore. I do things because they need doing but don't want to do them and wonder why i do them.

I take everyday at a time, i can no longer plan further ahead like i used to.

Sheila 

Hi Ladies

Totally agree with both of you.

We are having do do things we don't want to do , whats the point anymore.

Lets hope things will get easier.

Take care

Mx

Thanks for replying take care

Dear Sheila,

I have just read your post and I could have written every word myself, everything you say is exactly as I feel.

I lost my Husband on the 11th January - exactly 6 months tomorrow.

I thought we would grow old together, and now I am scared of my future without him.

Take care.

Hi Shelia and everyone,

I don't know why but coming out.of this horrendous lockdown is having a better effect on me! I lost Ric at the end of December so 7 ish months. 

I felt stuck in the grieving process. Being trapped indoors or the garden was driving me nuts!! I am.a get up and do person and so was Ric when he was well. It gave me too much time to think and cry. Crying is good but it was not helping me personally. I still think about him several times a day and I am full of what it's but I want and need to move forward. Lockdown gave me time to sort his things and affairs. I am glad I did that early because I hate things hanging over me and it has become harder when I find things later on. 

I am getting through some of the firsts without him, we have had birthdays and occasions. I have been given an annual leave day to scatter him in August, his first day in his beloved army so time to set him free to go back. 

I will always love him, remember him but I need to move forwards. I have too much life left to stop yet. I don't want anyone else but I have two young adult children who have their milestones to meet and I want to share them and enjoy them. I pry enjoy the simple things in life more now, like a quiet coffee in the garden with the birds singing and the flowers growing.

I know Ric would never want me to be stuck in my grief even when grumpy he was a caring man who loved life and us.

Love and hugs Alison XXX

Ps it is a beautiful day today, the sun is shining, birds singing and I am off to meet a friend I haven't seen for awhile with this lockdown

I've been feeling like my loss isn't fully real ever since I lost my partner in November last year.  For some reason, first I felt like if I could just get through Christmas then it would be over and he'd be back.  Then it was other milestones that came and went.  The next big one is the anniversary of when he became ill last September.  I don't think my mind will ever fully accept it is real.  I don't want to accept it.  I yearn for my partner.  Life without him is a nightmare and a torment.  But at least each day that passes is another day I don't have to do again.

14 weeks since Colin left this world and it makes me realise it's real and he's not in hospital anymore because the phone calls and visits have stopped and I'm having to paint the massive fkn fence my own!!  I still have his clothes and shoes etc to deal with but whilst I am not tripping over them they can wait!!  Honey I love you I miss you I want you back with me but know 2 out if 3 ain't bad

Hi Bootsy

Reality!!! I have done the front fence but not the bigger back fence! I have the paint! My excuse is the plants have grown at the moment and dad is going to repair it!!! I have more time off at the end of August!!! And my joints need to rest! 

Have a good day today. I think we will always love and miss them 

Love Alison xxx

Sorry for your loss, I lost Jerry June last year and we had planned to scatter his ashes close to the anniversary but it was all cancelled. So it still doesn’t feel real just limbo. X

Must be paint fence time, i also have the paint, but have yet to make a start 10  large panels today, but the runner beans are in the way, that what i keep saying.

Ellie x