Just to say...

So sorry, it’s only been a few weeks for me. We had the funeral Tuesday. I can only describe how I feel like the weather unexpected downpours. It hurts they don’t mention how much grief hurts not I’ve got a pain anywhere in particular but an overwhelming just let me curl up in a ball and go to bed and sleep hurt. I can’t imagine what it must feel like not to be included in sorting out  your partners funeral etc. You were there when he needed you, and you have him in your heart, your carry him with you. 

So sorry Kayteem, you must be desperately sad and really there's nothing anyone can say to make you feel  better, it's much too raw at the moment. Nearly 7 weeks for me, and today would have been our 38th wedding anniversary. I have a busy day planned otherwise I would just sit at home and cry. I think the only reason I get up most mornings is because I don't want  my children, who are grieving for their wonderful Dad,  to worry about me, and I know John wanted me to get on with my life, although at present I'm kind of on automatic. I'm sure your man would want you to carry on too as best you can. People tell me it gets easier but it's very early days.

I unfortunately know the hurt you are feeling, my man, my rock, passed away on 17 May from secondary lung cancer which came on so quickly. He went into hospital with a chest infection and 5 weeks later passed. It is the hardest struggle, everyday so far has been hard, I nearly had a day with no tears yesterday, but as usual they came later on. The days sometimes feel more tolerable but then something will just trigger the sadness and loneliness. 

I am lucky that my beautiful, funny man had an older son who still lives with us as he has been amazing, we have grieved together and we have become much closer. He has been great with his little brother who I am so worried about growing up without his dad, he is about to turn 3 and that is going to be a really tough day. 

This is a place where I can say some of the things that I am thinking/feeling, the people on here are so supportive and you know that they have been or are going through the same hell as you.

i don't yet know if it does get better so can't offer you that hope, but this is always a good place to come if you just need to get your feelings out there.

take care x

Thank you all for replying to my post and I'm so sorry for your pain and having to be posting on here because of our losses.xxx

Hi 

sorry for coming in on this late. I was a bit overwhelmed myself yesterday so sorry I didn’t see your post. I know exactly how your feeling yours is a bit similar to mine. My partner had kids from previous relationships. His oldest daughter ended up taking over stuff due to her step mother my partner wife. It’s bad enough the grief we face but when you have stuff like this to deal with feeling excluded a bit and things like that it makes it so worse. What hurts me more is thinking he will be looking down fuming over things that have happened the other week I asked for advice on here because I was so upset my partner wife wanted nothing to do with him for years  soon has he was terminal she emotionally blacked mailed him still kills me now he didn’t deserve what she put him through. I was going to tell his older kids from his first relationship what this step mother was like and what she was doing to there Dad because she acts like this victim now saying she’s lost and can’t move on with out him. It was all for his money. I decided against telling his kids her step kids because they are hurting enough.

they only comfort I can try and offer you is he was with you till the end and you spent them last special moments with him 

I hope your feeling ok today and the others that have commented on this post here if you need to talk anytime x

Thank you for your reply. It is hard but it is important to remember our times with our loved ones. Emotions do run high, brings out the best and worst in people I guess. I keep reminding myself not to get bitter about what's going on - that I can't control - hard as it might be, when the time comes I will celebrate his life, our time together and say a final goodbye, my way...Xx

 Thank you for your reply. It is hard but it is important to remember our times with our loved ones. Emotions do run high, brings out the best and worst in people I guess. I keep reminding myself not to get bitter about what's going on - that I can't control - hard as it might be, when the time comes I will celebrate his life, our time together and say a final goodbye, my way...Xx

He will always be around you.

i am the same I try not to feel bitter over my mans X I do try and see her point of you over things but the emotional black mail she didn’t need to do. U try and stay strong always here if you need to talk x

Thanks, seems I managed to post my reply 2wice!