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The last 48 hours have been both elating and gutting. This time yesterday morning I was sat with a lovely friend snotting for England because I was finally getting to grips with the fact that it's my cancer and I'll cry if I want to. Admittedly a lot of the tears were yet again bought on by guilt. I had read the specific book for the type of lymphoma I have on the lymphoma website and thanks to its wonderful news that basically this is a lifetime membership I was distraught and then so was my poor...
Caring for someone with cancer is utterly exhausting. Caring for someone I love with all my heart is exhausting yes, but also such a privilege. Every minute of my waking day now is focused on getting everything right - the meds, the food, the rest, the moving about, the sleep, the social interaction, the just about everything. I have no idea how I get through each day. I'm not even on auto pilot but I am managing to get through.
We are in such a fluid situation with things changing every few...
So this evening I finally had a decent "it's not fair" flood of tears and despair moment...and it was only a little bit because I realised in all the tests and worry this week that I'd forgotten we were supposed to go see Derren Brown, thought it was tonight, got halfway out the door and realised it was actually on Monday. To be honest the devastated look on my lovely fiancés face was enough to make the toughest of female eye leaking dodgers start.
I know it's life. We haven...
Those were the comforting words said to me by the nurse this morning. Never mind that the dye makes you hot and tingly in a way that isn't as pleasant as you'd hope, you get to look forward to feeling like you've wet yourself without actually doing so. And they say cancer isn't glamorous.
I got the first appointment so I was in and out very quickly once I'd stopped feeling like my face might fall off. The scan itself was fine. If anything that early in the morning I had half hoped...
I've come a little later to this blogging lark than I'd like and I feel if it's to be cathartic I need to get some of the finer and frankly less hilarious thoughts out of my head and into the world wide web. I apologise in advance.
I'm naturally one of life's worriers. I grew up quickly because of our family situation and it's left me overly cautious. I think part of the problem getting my head around this stuff is that cancer wasn't what I signed up for! Don't get me wrong, I am aware...
Another poem. I promise I'm not resorting entirely to verse. It's just that this poem came instantly. I saw the dead greenfinch, disposed of it, then came upstairs and wrote the poem right away. So it's more free-form than the last one, and more real, perhaps.
Death of a Greenfinch
A greenfinch lay on the patio,
dead.
An inch from his beak was a fig
fallen from the fig tree.
What happened? What caused this tiny death?
Did the finch reach for the fig and fail?
He lay on his s...
After I was diagnosed with cancer I suddenly found it everywhere. Prostate cancer postmarks on the letters coming through the door; big banners for the Race for Life at the local supermarket; on the news; neighbours coming out of the woodwork to say that they had been through cancer ten, 20, five years ago. Here are two of my favourites….
Sitting in the hospital the day after a total hysterectomy I was invited by a number of friends to submit my no make up selfie…It didn't seem quite the...
I like to look for the humour in the worst of situations and bizarrely there is quite a lot to laugh about, if nothing else because of the random responses that come out of the people who care about you. Here are some of my most inappropriate reactions so far:
1) My line manager who likened having cancer to an episode of Men Behaving Badly when Tony got athlete's foot and was thrilled that little fungus had chosen to grow on him. He was genuinely trying to make me feel better.
2) My mother...
