I like to look for the humour in the worst of situations and bizarrely there is quite a lot to laugh about, if nothing else because of the random responses that come out of the people who care about you. Here are some of my most inappropriate reactions so far:
1) My line manager who likened having cancer to an episode of Men Behaving Badly when Tony got athlete's foot and was thrilled that little fungus had chosen to grow on him. He was genuinely trying to make me feel better.
2) My mother who panicked (this is all very very hard for her). Her advice was to make sure I told the doctor I wanted to freeze my eggs because I would probably be infertile after cancer. This woman is a nurse so I'd like to think she knows there have been no recorded incidents of a woman getting pregnant in her arm! This also came before I had even really been sure what I had so was just a tad premature. My father was brilliant on this subject and suggested I freeze two quail eggs, draw faces on them, name them Ermin and Emelda and then send my mother a photo of them informing her I'd frozen some eggs so she's officially a grandparent; I will expect regular cards for them but I won't be growing them as I've discovered they are far less high maintenance this way.
3) My grandfather who asked me if I knew how I caught cancer and thoughtfully asked whether it was because of all the foreign people. Apparently he was joking but this still concerns me nonetheless!
4) My grandmother who crocheted me a worry mouse and told me it would make the badness go away because it would remind me that my nan loved me. This was very sweet but a little strange.
5) My other grandmother who told me about how she had a dead woman's ring then told me she'd obviously prefer to attend my wedding but if I did die I should plan the funeral so I got what I wanted. This was followed up with a very disturbing story about how years ago they had a send off for an uncle and got so drunk they couldn't find the corpse in the morning and discovered that someone had put him under the stairs. I have a very large Irish Catholic family...which is really the only explanation I can come up with for that freaky behaviour!
6) My step mother (a hospice nurse) who told me her colleague recently split with her husband then found out he had terminal cancer 2 weeks later and has gone off to support him. She asked me what to say to him?!
7) My best friend who declared I should face facts that I would likely die because her uncle had cancer and was dead in 3 months. She followed this up by telling me that she would buy me a pink wig if I had to have chemotherapy.
8) My deputy who told me I would have to go off for ages if I had radiotherapy because I would be radioactive. I was as gutted as she to discover that this is not the case at all and this rubbish news doesn't even have the perk of the option of turning into the Hulk. What a life injustice!
I love the people in my life but I do think bad things highlight some worrying trends in the people I spend time with! Still, you either laugh or cry and generally I can still laugh.
