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Hey mum,
God it feels like it's been so long since I last sent you a message, so much has been happening and I hope you've been around to see.
I miss you today mum I think that's why I'm here. I'm really starting to feel that you're not here. All the time. I keep seeing little white feathers everywhere and wonder if you sent them for me. I look for signs from you everywhere but I just don't seem to get them anymore.
Dutton's been so amazing recently mum especially yesterday...
I feel like everything's going wrong mum. I need you.
I keep fucking things up and I made Nana cry and ruined the big christmas meal thing and I keep getting things wrong in work and getting pulled into the office and I'm trying so hard but I just keep forgetting things and getting things wrong.
I feel like I'm pissing everyone off but it's all in my head and Im just being over sensitive but I can't be sure.
I'm trying to get Dutton more involved but he's STILL struggling to...
Hey mum,
Last night we went out for a meal with Dutton's mum and dad. It was hard. I was tired and stressed and anxious for some reason. As soon as I got there for some unknown reason, I got really upset because I realised that I was never again going to have a chance to go for a meal with you.
I'll never get to take you out. I'll never get to go for a meal with you or go shopping or take you out for a drink. It hit me like a train and at one point I couldn't even look at his mum without starting...
Hey mum.
Today is shit. I feel rubbish. The sun is shining but it means nothing. There's nothing but rain clouds in my head today. I'm being so over sensitive and cranky and I just want everybody to leave me alone.
I've been using carecalendar.org to try and co-ordinate my visitors. It's free for individuals, and you can make a donation if you want to. It's a good way to try and co ordinate friends, This is what their website says.....
"What is CareCalendar? CareCalendar is a web based system to organize meals and other help for families during a time of illness or life changing event, such as the birth of a baby or death of a family member.
Simply list the help that is needed and your...
Today I attended the funeral of a friend and colleague who has died of cancer of the womb. She was diagnosed in October after she had gone in for a hysterectomy. So sad that she was so close to retirement but never got to achieve all her wishes and hopes for the future. Carpe diem! RIP Fiona
Sadly my Dad passed away on the 12th February 2014. He went peacefully in his sleep and free from pain. I shall miss him greatly but I am glad he is free from suffering now. RIP Dad
When I mention chemotherapy to people it is always the hair they ask about… I have only one photo of me when it started to grow back -too much for a wig but too new to colour, I was 41 and it has taken me nine years to accept that that was me
Hair and care and barely there,
I see you stare, not fair…
For years and years it hid my ears,
Shrouded my fears of Dumbo jeers.
A wig, no matter how I try,
Is alien and makes me cry,
And whilst my legs look like they’re waxed,...
When I was ill I would put on a good blouse and my friend Sharron would take me to the Oncologist, then when I had no veins left it was the Angiologist, we always had a laugh and I remember my treatment with pain but also that humour. I wrote this with that in mind…
‘Though not every day’s a good day, still a few are,
And not sure the things we could say, still it’s too far…
I can love and I can care, yet the pain I cannot share,
Just distract you through despair...
I work on the 11th floor, at 89 Albert Embankment, within Macmillan Cancer Support’s Fundraising Department, and we get a lot of very kind donations from enthusiastic supporters, but we are also told a lot of stories and we try to make sure everyone knows that Macmillan is there for them…
From a tower grand and tall,
Knitting hope for one and all,
Scared or sore or feeling silly,
Head goes hot or toes are chilly,
Looking for a helpful plan,
Speak to us, Macmillan can…
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