I feel like everything's going wrong mum. I need you.
I keep fucking things up and I made Nana cry and ruined the big christmas meal thing and I keep getting things wrong in work and getting pulled into the office and I'm trying so hard but I just keep forgetting things and getting things wrong.
I feel like I'm pissing everyone off but it's all in my head and Im just being over sensitive but I can't be sure.
I'm trying to get Dutton more involved but he's STILL struggling to talk to people and actually spend time with my family and friends and hes making it impossible for me to relax around people when he's there or if i have people round. its so awkward mum and i need us all to be together but he wont. yesterday wouldn't have been so bad if hed have just come. he could have just put some clothes on and come but he didn't. and he knew id spend all day feeling like shit for it but hed rather that than spend a day with my family. i cant say any of this to him because its not worth the amount of anger and upset and weeks of arguing it'll cause. and its pointless. but i love him so much and i feel guilty for even saying all that even thought its true.
i feel like dad is drifting away and theres nothing we can do to help.
work is awful and i hate it mum. i hate it so much. im trying so hard and i keep forgetting things and getting into trouble for everything and anything. i've been applying for jobs everyday but its fucking pointless.
we find out if dutton is going to lose his job on friday.
ive had a headache for two weeks mum and it feels like my ears are going to burst. i'm so tired i could just sleep forever. im so tired.
all the signs have stopped. maybe ive stopped looking for them. i miss you mum and i need you where are you.
