Having a bit of a wobble!

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I posted a couple of days ago about going for tests this Friday 14th August. Thought I was coping ok especially after support on here but last night and this morning had a bit of a wobble, fearing the worst and wanting very much to stay alive. Also worrying about whether to let work know (I'm a teacher so on summer break but it is A level results day on Thursday so will be expected to be in touch - HR & my line manager know about my scare last year). Trying to keep calm but I live on my own so too much time to think about it all. The tests are a TV scan and possibly hysteroscopy depending on what they find (2 week fast track referral after post menopausal bleed). Wish I could just go now and get the tests out of the way so that I know what's going on. There are things I was planning to do such as getting things mended in the house but feel my life is on hold so it's difficult to move forward and plan or book anything. I had been getting my life back on track and now it's on hold again. 2 steps forward 9 steps bsck sort of feeling. Some family members and friends know but they don't really understand how I feel. I'm not sure my daughter realises how serious this could be..

Well, thanks for reading. Feel a bit better for the rant! ...

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  • Hi Jane,

     I used to teach, too. I taught mainly first school, but on a supply basis, so my position about illness was different. I think I would be inclined to keep quiet until you know what is going on. I'm sure your daughter is hiding her fears for your sake. Mine were the same, but after my operation turned up with ready made meals, jigsaws, cushions, all sorts. I decided they could make a fuss of me for once!!!  xxxx

  • Hi NannyAnny

    Thank you so much for your reply. My Mum taught little ones too, including my brother and me. My daughter lives too far away to bring me things but she did send me chocolate for my birthday during lockdown. 

    I think you are probably right about telling work but I have a bit of time to think it through. I have to take the cat to the vets for annual jabs tomorrow so that should keep me busy and my mind elsewhere. I dreamt it was the worst case scenario last night so it shows my brain is trying to process the information. My rational brain tells me to take things as they come. Thinking and worrying won't change the physical facts. Had some helpful advice on Ask the nurse too. Just been out in the sunshine in my garden for some book in hammock time which is something I always enjoy.

    Hope you are enjoying your weekend

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