Please don't judge me

Oh poor Nina. I really feel for you. Stay strong n look after yourself. Definitely a case for tough love xx

Hi Nina

I am sorry that you are having to go through all of this. It must be a really difficult time for you all. It sounds like your daughter has very complex issues and despite all the support she has is still unable to settle.

I'm sure that you have tried everything you can and it seems like no matter what you do you still end up feeling awful whatever decisions you make.

The physical and emotional demands of cancer are extremely hard to handle and I can't begin to imagine how these additional problems are affecting you and impacting on your recovery.

From reading your threads I am aware of your background with the children and you have done a wonderful thing for them. You must be an incredibly strong and resilient person and hopefully this will help you through.

I hope you get some time to rest up and are feeling stronger every day.

Best wishes

Hi Nina,

I think under the circumstances you have to put yourself first.

I remember my brother and wife visiting me a week after I was out of hospital with their daughter and husband. I really, really did not feel up to it, and begged them to come when I was better. Although they live a long way from me I pointed out I wasn't able to cook for 6 people (doubt I could have stood long enough!) They still came, and although I was glad to see them felt guilty I didn't feed them!

You have done a wonderful job bringing up two children who otherwise would not have had a home. I really do admire you. As someone else said 'You have to be cruel to be kind', sometimes.

Look after yourself, and put yourself first for once. I know I did.   xxxxx 

Hi Nina60nina60, definitely the right place! I am really sorry your having so much difficulties with your daughter, mental health conditions are very difficult for all around. You need to look out for you and I know that you really love and care about her and no doubt worry, but time to let others help here and you look after yourself, its not selfish as if you can't look after you then you will struggle to help her in the best possible way. I think some forget that cancer effects everyone around us and if there is other contributing circumstances then this makes it ever so much more difficult. I hope she turns up and is treated and supported  at her supported accommodation, the people who run these places are in the best place to help her and provide what help she needs. Look after you for now and I send some gentle hugs your way and some supportive hugs to your daughter who I hope will turn up and be OK.

Oh Nina60, I agree with GBear of course this is the right place. I unfortunately belong to another forum where we have all lost our children. My son died 3 years ago, but it feels like yesterday, but boy do we write ! Of course you love her , but just sometimes people with mental health problems are unreachable, no matter what we do or say. It is easier said than done but you MUST put yourself first in this case. I agree with everything GBear has said, let someone else take the strain, you need every ounce of strength to fight your way back to good health. Stress and worry won't help your recovery. Your daughter will get all the help she needs, and you must put down your thoughts here if writing it down helps you, I'm sure no one here will judge you, We all have our crosses to bear in this life, and I am so sorry for the heartache you are enduring. 

Sending you love and the strength to fight another day,

With Love,

LC

XX

Thank you so much ladies. 

Hi Nina, what an awful situation you are in.  I can hardly begin to imagine how you must be feeling but imagine it must feel like being emotionally form apart.  I'm glad you have felt able to write this all down here and I'm sure none of us will judge you.  Of course you must put yourself first, specially just now.  Your daughter, in spite of her problems, is an adult and you've done what you can for her.  You mustn't feel guilty about being firm and sticking to your boundaries. There is only so much anyone can take and it sounds as though you have been pushed to your limit.   Xxxx

Hi nina60. What a dreadful situation to find yourself in and what a whirlwind of emotions you must be feeling. No one would judge you. It seems you have tried everything you can and often a person with severe mental health issues will rebuff all attempts to help as their illness prevents rational thinking. 

It is so important that you look after yourself now and hopefully professionals will be able to persuade your daughter to accept support. Once you are well you will have more mental energy and different solutions or opinions may present themselves. Meanwhile  there is lots of  good wishes from all of these lovely ladies Xx

Hi Nina, I don't have children so I can't know how you feel about the tough decisions you have had to make. I'm sure it is emotionally traumatic and you are bound to wonder if what you are doing is right. I can say though, that looking at the situation you describe with less emotional investment than you have, I am certain you are doing the best thing, not only for yourself but for your daughter too. As a mother you can love and support her, but if that isn't enough and from what you've said, it sounds as if it isn't, then at some point you have to push the professionals into taking responsibility and taking over the full practical, if not the emotional burden for you. By taking a practical step back to look after yourself for once, it may be the trigger needed for the support professionals in her life to take on the role of primary support rather regarding you as a backstop when things go wrong. Sending all my love and support to you and hoping your family gets all the help you all need. Xx.

Hi , I don't know if you mentioned before about your son and I have missed it but I am very sorry for your loss and yes even after time it can still feel like yesterday. Sending you a big hug.