Chemotherapy

I have stage 4 oesophageal cancer with mets in my neck,I was diagnosed Feb 2020 and given 4-6 months to live,all they could offer is passive care which was chemo at three week intervals 7sessions,in between each session I was on chemo tablets and had to inject myself in the stomach every night for seven days.It was the worse time of my life from day one starting chemo I never ever felt so ill in my life,it was like my whole body was taken over by the chemo and terrible side effects which I still suffer now(chemo brain)etc,I was that bad I could only manage five sessions by then my blood was haywire and they had to stop it. The end result was my cancer areas had shrunk,I know sooner or later they will start growing again.I have told my consultant that I will not have anymore Chemotherapy in any shape or form,I'm 60yrs old live alone with my little dog,but I have 6 grown up children and 9 grandchildren from 6 to 22yrs of age I don't want them ever to see me the way I felt and was with Chemo again.so I would rather live my life feeling like myself and knowing what day it is,has anybody else felt this way with the treatment,and having three monthly scans and bloods then waiting on pins for the results over the phone due to the pandemic? Thanks for letting me join your group Shirley