Hello all,
First of all apologies for the long post but here is my story.
I joined this as I feel it may help my current situation. My life has been turned upside down 6 weeks ago.
My wife is 37 and she found a lump on her breast whilst in the shower 6 weeks ago. She called the doctors who referred her and she had 4 mammograms, an ultrasound and a biopsy. Which didn't sound great the fact they felt the need to do a biopsy.
We had a week wait for the results to be told it was Her2 positive breast cancer.
I kind of already knew it was going to be bad news. as 3 people walked into the room. It doesn't take 3 people to tell jou it's just a cyst after all.
Our lives were shattered.but they talked about treatment. Chemo, then an op around december.They said they don't suspect it had spread, so although the news was awful it could of been a lot worse. We clung on to the hope it hadn't spread and that yes the treatment would be harsh but it would be doable if it meant she would be all clear at the end of it all.
She then had to have subsequent Bone and CT scans to check whether it had spread. We also saw the oncologist inbetween scans to discuss the treatment plan.
He informed us that the lump was 5cm x 5cm and that 2 lymph nodes had tested positive.
He told us as he doesn't have the scan results back yet. So I asked him if it has spread.
He said he doesn't think so, as he brought up on the screen her blood test results, and said that normally if it has spread you would see high levels of ALP and Calcium. And her results were perfectly normal reading.
I also asked him to predict a stage, and he couldn't as all the results werent back, but based on the facts that he had at that moment he said he predicts grade 3 T2.
So the anxious wait for the scan results.
Last Wednesday the oncologist called my wife while she was on her own.
He asked if she was with anyone. Sods law she wasn't, but was eager for the results so asked him to proceed.
He informed her that it had spread, to her bones and liver and that it was deemed as stage 4 and incurable. We are absolutely devastated. What awful news to receive whilst on your own!
Since then it has been devastating, the emotions, feelings and thoughts that you have.
We are absolutely heart broken.
We have 2 young girls (3 and 10) and of course she is devastated that she might not get to see them get older, doing things with them, being there for them, special occasions, not being there for me, the house that we have finally got looking nice and how we wanted, not being able to grow old together etc.
And personally I'm terrified that I won't be able to cope on my own, being alone and trying to still work, aswell as look after the girls, all the household chores, being able to afford my house and other things if I'm on my own. I'm absolutely petrified.
I'm 38, we have been together 21 years, that's pretty much all I've ever known, I'm not the most confident person, i wonder in future who would want me. Its not like when you were younger and going out to meet people anymore. Id imagine itd be very hard nowadays.
Anyway, she starts her chemo tomorrow which is going to be horrendous but she has to do it.
She had kind of given up, because she has stage 4, and thought what's the point of going through all this and having the kids and myself, see her so poorly when they have already told her it's incurable. She feels a burden which of course she isn't.
I'm trying to be positive and strong by searching for people who are in the same situation/type of breast cancer as I feel it may help showing her the positive stories to help her through. Rather than resign herself that she doesn't have long.
Id be interested to hear from women who are in the same boat and how they are coping with this perhaps years down the line.
Also id be interested to hear from their partners to see how they deal with this. As I myself feel numb, empty, sad, heartbroken.
I find myself in a trance feeling like this isn't really happening and then it suddenly hits me that it is and I just don't know how to deal with it all. I am trying to keep busy to take my mind off it all and also to give myself a bit of normality. But my mind is all over the place not knowing what the future holds.
Thanks for listening
Stu
