Just having a bit of a moan.

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I haven't been on here for a while. My Mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer back in 2015. After going through all treatment and operations she was given the all clear on 2016. Unfortunately it came back in 2019 with avengence.

To cut a long story short, chemo ended in January as it wasn't working and quality of life was what Mum wanted, so the plan has always been for her to stay at home, unfortunately she had to be admitted to hospital on Friday, with breathing difficulties. She's on a high level of oxygen there.

Mum and Dad have been married for nearly 56 years, they don't do alone very well, especially Dad. The room Mum is in has a window looking onto some grass, so we've been going everyday to wave and have a quick chat with her, it raises Dad's spirits just to see her. Nearly everyday, we've been shouted at by the nurses that we're not allowed to do that (hasn't stopped us yet). But it's really getting to us all now, my sister had spoken to the hospital team about it. My sister took my Dad there today and a hca who was in the room actually opened the window for them to chat. She was closely followed by a staff nurse who had a go at them again. We've never attempted to open the window or even touch hands with Mum. We stay a maximum of 5 minutes.

I spoke to Mum on the phone tonight, I've never heard her so down, she's always been the strongest of all of us.

I realise it's a horrible time and I can't fault the nurses for their care. But a bit of compassion to my 80 year old Dad wouldn't hurt. None of us know how long Mum has got, and I really hope that I don't say goodbye to my Mum through a window for the last time.

I know lots of people are in similar and worse situations everyday, and we're lucky that it's not covid. They are working towards bringing her home, but it just seems to be dragging on. Can't wait to give her a hug .

Sorry about the moan.

court over 4 years ago

Please don’t be sorry ! Mumster Even when I was reading your post it felt totally alien to not be able to see your sick mum . Although we all understand why ! One observation I have noticed about 20/21 some people have enjoyed the power of rule enforcer a bit too much . They have a bit more freedom to yield their authority that I suspect they did not have before . Makes you feel terrible .
I actually got chased away from the hospice of all places . My poor friend was allowed a patio visit . It was cold and dark and the door open an inch . That night she just did not want me to go . She had a lot she wanted to say about her children who were much younger than mine . I tried several times to leave . But she kept asking me to stay . I should have only been there 1/2 hour but I did not know that . I was discovered two hours later and chased off the premises in a way that was not required. I was so sad to see my friend there . I felt the tears stinging my eyes like a naughty child . I was also frozen in place after sitting like that. It bothered me for a few days but then I thought will I look back and regret doing it . The staff were no where near her for two hours !! She was alone and sad . I have absolutely no regrets now . I am glad I made her feel less alone , wanted and listened to!

Your mum knows her team turn up on the grass just to see her and connect . How fantastic is that ! If I was the nurse given people are not doing it in droves I would pretend I had not seen you and kept my back to the window .

Time is precious . I hope your mum gets home soon and into your care where I am absolutely sure she will be surrounded by love .
Send her our love . Your name is familiar. Have we chatted before ?

Take care ,

Court

Helpline Number 0808 808 0000

Mumster over 4 years ago in reply to court

Thank you so much for the reply, I can't believe a hospice acted like that, good on you for staying. We've got everything crossed that Mum can come home today, they tried to reduce her oxygen yesterday, but it didn't go too well, so they put it back up.

I had to come home on Monday night (I live about 3 hours away), but I'm going back on Thursday or Friday, and hopefully my Mum will be at home , so we can all have some hugs and she can see her grandchildren. Luckily, my sister is just down the road from them, and nobody will stop her doing a window visit !!

Yes, you probably have helped me before, I tend to look on the site every now and then. It's a huge comfort to me to hear everybody else's experiences and invaluable advice . Thank you