Scared and confused

Hi

Welcome to the forum . Anyone will tell you here that this part where it is all unknown is by far one of the most difficult times . You are only human and thankfully it’s not about being strong . You have had a terrible shock . Your strength will return and here you are already reaching out to enable you to better support her . That’s the first step in the right direction. Your love for her is strong and that will pull you through . 

I went to my GP as I was awash with Adrenaline. He gave me beta blockers just to get a handle on the physical symptoms of anxiety. What a difference that made to me . So can I suggest reaching out to your GP . Even just speaking it through with him gave me better perspective.

Also the thing to remember there is absolutely nothing to indicate you are about to lose your mum . Screening is great for catching people before they become symptomatic. Bowel cancer is very treatable when caught early . There is nothing to say that’s not the group your mum is in . A patient told me to keep my mind where my body is . Keep pulling it back from visualising worst case scenarios . Sometimes I managed this and sometimes I did not .

The other fact which you have made reference to , if it has spread , bowel cancer is in the fortunate position to have many treatment options for that too . My mum had a significant spread to her liver at diagnosis. Chemo opened up other treatment options and she is still here over ten years later . Not everyone gets that outcome but some do . So even then , more so now than ten years ago . They will still offer treatment in most situations there is still hope .

You also might like to phone our helpline staff 0808 808 0000 they are more than happy to talk through the emotional aspects of diagnosis with you .

The one time I did burst out crying and had to leave a coffee shop . My mum was actually really moved by it in a good way . I always cried in the car or a lot of people say the shower !

The other thing I did was to try and pull in normal activities or projects . It helped calm my brain by being away from all cancer talk . Even if it was only a walk . 

You don’t have to deny your emotions as they are real and for a good reason . You just have to manage them so they don’t become another issue your mum has to process . That’s what we are here for . You have a safe place here and we will do our best to support you .

I can reassure you when the treatment plan actually starts it feels much better . Something is actually being done . 

The other thing I liked to do was prepare myself . If the surgeon said A, B or C then the plan for those situations would be D, E and F . Even if it was a difficult discussion there are always other places to get second opinions etc . 

I hope your meeting goes well with the surgeon . Send your mum our love .

Court 

Hi and a warm welcome from me too. You’ve had a brilliant reply from Court and, as she says, things will feel a little bit better once your mum has a treatment plan in place. Bowel Cancer is very slow growing and responds well to treatment.

Please stay away from google - it is misleading and downright scary in places. You can ask anything you want on here - there is nothing too daft or embarrassing.

At the meeting they will give you a treatment plan and answer any questions that you have. It may help to have a pen and paper with you to jot down key points. Treatments will vary from person to person but may include

Radiotherapy and chemo before op to shrink the tumour

Operation which may include a temporary/permanent stoma

Follow up chemo depending on histology report

Please try not to worry too far ahead - concentrate on each stage of treatment at a time then tick it off and move into the next one.

Ive attached a link to a booklet from the Bowel Cancer uk site which outlines some of the treatment and might give you an idea of what to expect.

bowelcancerorguk.s3.amazonaws.com/.../YourPathway_BowelCancerUK.pdf

Im now 3 years clear and my treatment seems a long time ago now - it’s tough at times but doable. You will be a tremendous support for your mum but remember to look after yourself too - it’s easy to let cancer take over your lives but make sure you make time for coffee and cake with friends.

Pleaee let us know how the meeting goes

Take care

Karen x

Hi Buxtondays

As the girls have said a very warm welcome to the group where you will find real life experiences and so so much support. Please take a bit of time to read our profiles by clicking on our names which will give s bit of background knowledge to our individual stories as they will all be slightly different. You have already started your own healing process my joining the group where you will find so much support and advice. Now to mom I'm sure she knows you too well and understands why you will be feeling how we do as we all deal with things differently your mom's attitude is great but we're not all the same. Once you have a diagnosis for your mom you can then plan betta and start to come to terms more once you know wot the treatment plan will be. Thinking of both you and your mom on the start of your journey.

Regards Mark