Just a recap -diagnosed July '19 with early stage, lower rectal cancer treated with 5 weeks chemo radiotherapy & x3 Papillon treatments in Guildford Aug to Oct '19.
So I had my post-treatment scans on 18/12 and on Monday (13/1) I went back for my results. I won't lie I had terrible Scanxiety for the preceding 3 days cumulating on Monday with one of the longest & hardest days of my life ahead of the cruel 7pm appointment. I knew that in theory I'm in a relatively good place but the dark thoughts started to creep in - what if its not worked, even what if its spread? Funny I didn't mind the scans and pretty much switched off over Christmas and life had gone back to normal with a fully restored diet, toilet habits back to normal, bike rides of 50+ miles and getting my fitness back. I had felt so positive and even 4 days prior I would have put money on an 'all clear' diagnosis but the closer we got the more anxious I became. On Monday my head felt like it was going to burst, like I was in some surreal dream.
My wife got home, I kissed our 3 children goodbye and we drove to the hospital - I cried on and off the whole way there whilst my wife was strong and optimistic. Finally we went in to meet the surgeon and firstly he asked when we last saw my Oncologist - we said October during treatment 3 of the Papillon - and he said he was surprised that I hadn't seen her since. Anyway whilst he said he hadn't got the detailed scan reports, the scans showed no evidence of the Cancer. To the best of the information available its gone. I started to cry - again - with relief and he looked at me with confusion. As good as these doctors and oncologists are, emotions aren't something that they seem to do?
However to be sure he said that they would like to look at it from the inside so I would need a colonoscopy under general anesthetic in the next couple of weeks. This upset my wife - who I think was looking for some short term closure in this meeting - and asked if the scans showed no evidence of Cancer then why we would need a colonoscopy so soon rather than waiting for 3 months. The Dr said the last internal view (via Papillon treatment) was Oct and the scans were December so this isn't far off 3 months.
I have no idea why they want me to have a general anesthetic for it - for my first one I only had abit of gas and air and was fine - so if anyone has any idea why they may want to do it under GE I would love to know? He only said it would be easier? He said after this one Gas and air would be fine.
Finally he asked if I had had any bleeding in the weeks following my final Papillon treatment which I haven't and we went home. I was in a happy place but my wife seemed slightly deflated.
Anyway we had 36 hours of letting the likely all clear news sink in, then this morning I had to go into London for a meeting. On the train I started to get mild stomach cramps despite not having any breakfast, went to the toilet and had very bad diarrhoea. There on one of the bits of paper was one tiny spec of blood. I felt deflated, was this a sign that it hasn't in fact gone? I don't know but its really rocked me today. Could it be an old pile, could it be part of the scar tissue or related to the diarrhoea. I wasn't sure but the doctors final question about any bleeding came ringing back in my ears.
So here's where I am today. I am fortunate to be in a good place and am feeling positive. If it comes back it will be surgery but that's the fallback.
Thanks for everyone contributing to these boards, there is so much knowledge and support on here its humbling. Also thanks for reading this far if you made it, and good luck to everyone fighting this no matter what stage you are at. Keep strong :)
