Having a bad day

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Sorry but I'm having a bad day and I just need to let it out.  I woke up feeling like I've had no sleep and really down.  Mum's been bad this week - a lot of pain and, I think, sliding into depression - so I'm in overdrive on worrying about her.  My sister is with her today so I don't need to go round to see mum although I probably will drop round later.  I thought I would throw myself into cleaning the house so make myself busy and then I'd start to feel better.  My fatal mistake was asking my 18 year old daughter to help.  She had a major strop.  I tried to keep calm as I realise that she is worrying about my mum too but it was hard.  I tried to talk to her but she just got worse and worse so I gave up.  Then my husband made sarcastic comments about it all - again he is worrying and his mum is also not well - so I am still trying to keep a lid on it.  But I feel even worse now.  I'm now sitting on the sofa in my pyjama's watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy without the will to do anything else.  I just keep crying and feel so very very sad. 

  • Our siblings are so crap!   Mum's done everything for us and they can't do this for her.  My mum brought us up on her own when our dad died when we very young.  She worked loads of crappy part time jobs to make ends meet and so that we wouldn't go without.  She had the same winter coat for years!  She's looked after all of our kids, when we went back to work.  She's been there for us everytime we've been ill and they can't return the favour.  My sister has told me that her husband is making it difficult for her.  To be honest if my husband was making it difficult for me I'd be telling him to F*** off.  I'm trying really hard not to fall out with them but I know that I will eventually.  I get on quite well with my brother in law but I don't want to see him or speak to him at all right now.  In fact I don' want to speak to any of them and have decided not to answer any messages.  Rant over.

    I've spoken to the palliative care nurse and she's said that she should be able to get someone from the hospice to come and spend a few hours with her and do her breakfast and lunch, on the day my brother can't come.  As I'm on reduced hours I'll be able to get to her relatively early so she won't be on her own too long.  She also referring us to social services as urgent so we can sort out something for the other days.  Haven't told any of them that.  They can wait.

    Jenny, that's good about your mum.  They do aromatherapy at our local hospice so I'm going to suggest it to mum.  I think the first thing I want to get her to do though is get her hair done.  I know that would make her feel loads better.  She was really down and in a lot of pain when I went round this evening. She got really upset and was saying how unfair it was.  I felt so awful for her.  I started to get upset too.  Had to go out the room so she didn't see.  My brother told her he couldn't come next week and she was really worried about who would come round.  I told her I would sort it out and she was a bit better then. 

    I so don't want to think about any of this anymore. :-(

    Elenium

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to Elenium

    Good you've vented on here. Forget about it for now try to enjoy a good sleep.

    Her hair being done may well lift her.  


    None of it is fair.


    Got to empty a commode...


    Sleep well.


    Night night.


    Jx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi, just an update. Sorry I haven't had a chance to read your posts.

    Alan is end of life. The consultant called me this morning & I spent from 12.30 till 8.30 by Alan's bed.

    The problems he's been having are due to the cancer spreading not an infection. He's now DNR with fluids being offered on a comfort basis. He nearly stopped breathing while I was there. When I put my head down on the bed he put his arm round me so he knew I was there. I even got a kind of smile! About 5 he drifted into a proper sleep so I went & grabbed a sandwich & drink then ate them at his bedside. When I left he was snoring gently  

    I'm going back tomorrow morning unless they call me during the night.

    His brother Steve went & saw him at lunchtime. They hadn't spoken for 2 years after an argument. Alan spoke to him & it meant the world to Steve. Some things are bigger than all of us. 

    I hope you can get a decent sleep, I know I'm going to try.

    Hugs to all

    Sue xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Sue look after yourself he's in the best place.  Hope you get some much needed sleep. Touching that he knew you were there.

    Wish I could say something useful to help.


    No need to come on here til you're ready.  We'll be here when you need.


    Jx

  • Sweet lovely Sue, so much youve both been through.  Ditto here when you need us to be x

    Always Remember the Precious Moments x

  • Sue, I don't know what to say. Know that we're thinking of you and here for you when you need us.

    X

    Elenium

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to Elenium

    Thinking of Sue.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Had ambulance here as mum collapsed after trying to get commode but after getting her off floor and observations allowed to stay home.pain is cancer not breaks.

    Ambulance men had to wait while she did giant poo. ..not a funny situation but hell ...HUGE ..she hardly eats.


    Sorry if you're having late breakfast. 


    Jx

  • What a nightmare! Your poor mum and poor you.

    No need to apologise, most of mine and mum's conversations revolve around how many times she's done a wee and if she's got diarrhoea.  Thought I'd left those conversations behind when the kids grew up...   :-)

    Elenium

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to Elenium

    I phoned hospice nurse Joel. ..

    Mum perky but told Joel doesn't want hospital bed as hers is nice and high and doesn't want two carers as can go to loo OK on own!!!


    Joel said to me hospital bed can be any height. So seed planted for that...she needs to adjust to thought of it.


    He's arranging for one carer for an hour every morning to get mum up washed and dressed. I can eat breakfast before 1pm!!


    Can increase care when needed but only with report from him. Can decrease care ourselves if not needed.


    If I need 3 days off someone can come 3 times a day. For 3 days...but a one off...


    Let's see if it happens. 


    So tired my bones hurt.


    Sue in my thoughts.


    Hope your Mum okish elenium maisiemae..


    Off to mine when sister arrives.


    My aunt didn't call...


    Jx