I’m having a bad day today

Hi,My mum doesn’t have cancer but has required full time care since a brain haemorrhage in 2004.When this was diagnosed my younger sister decided that she was moving to Canada,leaving me with sole care of mum.I did feel resentful of my sister knowing she was having a good time & I was at home dealing with mum’s constant vomiting.After a year my sister came back to England but never showed much interest in our struggles.I just feel that she was unable to cope.Last July I was diagnosed with bladder cancer & for some reason my sister has completely changed in attitude.She accompanied me to most of my appointments & has been visiting mum & trying to help where she can.Caring can feel so lonely especially if you have little support.I’ve recently been put in touch with a Macmillan agent and she is trying to sort out additional help for when mum comes out of the care home.There is support out there it’s knowing where & how to access it that can be a nightmare.I don’t really know what to suggest other than to grab any help that is offered.love & best wishes.Jane xx

Hi linpandy, I no exactly how you feel, I care for my mum too, my brother lives an hour away but comes every 2/3 weeks for a couple of hours, he hasnt got a clue what I do and how much it takes it out of you especially mentally, I get very angry about it sometimes too. I have told him he needs to come and look after mum for a long weekend as I need a break. I cant put mum into respite care as she forgets she has cancer and wouldn't like it and would wonder why i am doing it. Just so bloody hard, so dont feel resentful,  you are doing a fantastic job and they are the ones that are losing out on quality time with their mums before they.pass, our conscious are clear..

Stay strong..x

Hi , no I don't think you should 'just suck it up'. You could find yourself heading into depression if you don't find a way to express how you feel and get some help for yourself. Firstly, I'd say get yourself to your GP and explain how you feel; there's a lot of help out there for carers if you know where to look. You might like to pop your post code in here to see if there are any local groups where you can get face-to-face support, it makes a huge difference. Maggies Centres provide a lot of support for carers who are going through tough times and the helpline, 0808 808 0000 is open 7 days a week 8am to 8pm. It's manned by experts who are very understanding. Are you getting Carers Allowance? it all helps and the council can also organise support in the home. I hope something here helps.

Hugs,