Separation

I haven't, thank heavens, experienced this myself, but I know of several people who have: not only cancer patients  but people who had suffered other life threatening and traumatic health problems.

it seems that sometimes the sufferers feel that by changing their lives, and leaving behind the people who cared for them through  that period , they can leave the illness behind as well. It's neither rational nor fair, but it is , I suppose, understandable, - if delusional. And of course the first thrill of new ' love' is very distracting, blotting out a great number of other thoughts and feelings.

i don't know whether you can ever get your pre cancer wife back, because she, and probably you, have changed. That happens to all of us, just with the progress of life, let alone the enormity of serious illness. So I suppose you need to consider whether you want the new wife back. That's something only you can answer.

the main thing though to concentrate on is the well being of your sons, and the 'you' in that sentence includes your wife. It might be worth trying to discuss with her how she sees them fitting into her new life - because you are not going to lose them, as well, are you. 

I wish you  all the best in this terrible situation.

Niobe

Thank you, I do understand the trauma she/we have been through and she says he didn’t know her before cancer. I want her back she phoned me Monday saying she thinks she wants to come home but talked herself out of it. She has just referred herself to a counsellor so I am hoping she resolves her issues and realises she needs to come home and get away from the narcissistic controlling idiot she has left me for.