I’m having a wobble! I’m caring for my mom who is at home. She has stage 4 cancer they haven’t given her a time prognosis but last 4 weeks she’s rapidly declined. I’ve given up work temporarily to look after her as she won’t pay for any carers to come in. She wants to stay at home but when time comes to go into hospice to die. She won’t pay for any help full stop and yet she has sufficient money to do so. She is awaiting radiotherapy which should be in new year. She’s on relatively low dose of morphine - just 60mg per day with 40mg oramorph when needed thru day. I live just a mile away so juggle my family with mom. Mom is really difficult and not a good patient at all. She’s depressing, argumentative, critical and downright nasty a lot of the time. I put a face in when I go in - cheerfully saying hello but she’s just either doesn’t answer me or grunts. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to carry on. It’s not the doing things, it’s the way she treats me. I know it’s hard for her. I know it’s the cancer making her behaviour worse not to be honest she wasn’t a nice person before the diagnosis!
Hi ,
Has your mother had a needs assessment and you a carers assessment? What you describe is incredibly common but is something that is really hard on the carer who simply does not have the resource to provide the care the other person needs. We had something no so dissimilar with both my parents and my wife too with her father.
Please look at our pages here on I'm looking after someone with cancer and make sure you get what you need because otherwise your relationship with your mother is likely just to become more strained until you become unwell.
Keep talking on here if it helps but you might also like to talk to someone on the helpline here 0800 808 0000 it is open 7 days a week from 8am-8pm.
<<hugs>>
Steve
