Lost my wife 2 days ago

Hi Kernowap

I feel let down by the wonderful chemo/immunotherapy and by many things at the hospital including the mortuary loosing his wedding ring, miraculously found when I kicked off! I was lied to a lot and as a nurse there are a lot of things I would like to change about his diagnosis, treatment and care. It appeals me that I trained in that hospital and how bad it has become! We were promised at least a year to two. He lasted less than 3 months and only actually had two treatment before it killed him. The chemo that is! I really didn't want him to have it but he believed the oncologist! I didn't. I was proved right. I have always believed in my nursing instincts. I am bitter that he never got to do one thing on his small bucket list because the chemo just took his energy and quality of life. 

I was going to complain because I don't want anyone else to have this poor care but after lots of discussion and thought, it may not be worth the heartache to me. It still makes me angry but I have now set Ric free last week and I am slowly edging forward. A half hearted apology just won't wash! 

I hope you too can move forward slowly so try not to dwell on the oncology department, it will eat you up. Remember the good times and your loving husband.

Take care, it will slowly get a little better. I still think about him every day, several times a day but I don't cry as much 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Alison sorry to but in on this thread, but did you post a new one about 15mins ago regarding 999 or did i make it up

Yes I did, it appears to have disappeared!!! 

It somehow doesn't feel too private here now, looks like we are being watched!!! 

Apparently my Rey alerted them to the fact I needed help because I had used some word! Bit odd really. I didn't think I sounded low or depressed. Perhaps it was the word cry! Lol. 

It is such as shame because it was a hugely supportive site. 

Alison xxx

thought so i replied to it and as you say disappeared,, your right different feeling here now, thanks for letting me know thought i had

lost the plot xx

Hi Alison, Thank you for your reply, sorry you too were let down. I’m pleased that you were able to move forward & not dwell on the mistakes made. 

I’m unable to go into details here but, my daughter in law works alongside Mary Smith who specialises in high profile medical negligence cases & has advised me to file a formal complaint. For me personally I need to do this & then hopefully I can begin to piece my shattered life back slowly bit by bit. I also need to do this for both my husband & best friend who were both innocent patients suffering medical negligence which cost them their lives, same department, same hospital.

Thank you for your advice I do appreciate it but as this forum has taught me, we are all different & we all handle this existence we’ve found ourselves in differently. 

Its good that you’ve set Ric free, & you’re slowly edging forward 

All the best, love & hugs Kernowp xx

Hi everyone, I totally agree, what's they have done to this site is really awful and there was absolutely no need to do anything as it was perfect the way it was. I used to love coming on here and writing with you all but I don't so much now as these changes are mostly really annoying. I also think, but I have thought this even before, that there is way too much fuss about privacy because if I wanted to share my details publicly on this site, who is to say I can't? But that is a different story and I understand that.

Hi Kernowap

Good luck with your complaint, I think you are right. Just not sure I have enough support to do it. But I hope you get a really good outcome.

Take care

Alison xxxx

Hi Mel

I think we all feel this

Take care xxxx

I can only offer my deepest condolences, you are on the same path as all of us are but sadly you are near the start. I would say take each day as it comes from bad to hideous and be accepting of good days and being able to laugh and smile.

There is no magic formula for grief and the path out is not linear, so expect bad and better but not in that order, you are among friends here, friends who do actually understand..

Thank you all. It's nice and very sad to know that other people are on this hell of a journey too. I've got family around me and I'm alright, try to stay busy and taking it one day at a time.

My wife couldn't really do anything bucket list wise either since she couldn't walk before the diagnosis (lung cancer spread to the bones) (and kidneys) so she always struggled with all the 'stay active, it's good for you! Studies have found that practicing a physical activity is good for people with cancer'

I'm really happy that we managed to get away a week on the seaside before she passed away, out of the hospital/house routine.