Things change

Hi Gary it's the same for me seems to go round in circles one min your ok next  my goodness turmoil  it's the feeling of helpless that gets to me I miss her so much 

Yes Ian, it's the loneliness it's a huge change for any of us and the longer we have been together the harder it seems.

I'm just lost and trying to make some life out of the chaos this has left me in but it's So hard. Thanks for the reply it helps a little to know your not alone. Gary

Just never expected any of this to hsppen.

I completely agree.

My life is like a see saw, some days I am ok and think i can do this. I feel motivated and know Rob would be proud of me.

Then other days I think why am I bothering, who cares if the house is tidy, if I get dressed, cook a proper meal, it's all so pointless.

Today I've a little list of things to achieve to keep me busy.

There is always someone on here with words of comfort and encouragement, it's a reassuring place to communicate.

Hi Ruby, yes see saw kind if covers it.

I thought I was doing well, took my young grandson to a Halloween party on Friday nice time but afterwards this feeling of loss hit me. Saturday had him over to stay, went out to a bonfire party but the "where is she" thoughts came back. It's like whatever I try to do there is a sting in the tail

Yes it's nice to talk to people who understand. Gary

Hi Ruby, yes see saw kind if covers it.

I thought I was doing well, took my young grandson to a Halloween party on Friday nice time but afterwards this feeling of loss hit me. Saturday had him over to stay, went out to a bonfire party but the "where is she" thoughts came back. It's like whatever I try to do there is a sting in the tail

Yes it's nice to talk to people who understand. Gary

Hi Gary. It’s just over 3 1/2 months for me as well, I have the same feeling why isn’t she with me why did it have to happen to us , there is so many why’s. 

I put on a brave face when out and about but when I get back to the empty house the brave face falls off and the real face comes back on. 

I keep the house tidy , do the washing and ironing because I know that’s what she would want, while at the same time thinking who am I doing this for no one is going to see it except me. , it just seem so pointless.

Also like you said I keep thinking I am never going to hear her voice,hold her hand or see her again , that with the loneliness I find really hard .

after being with someone for 44 years and then from one day to the next you find you are on your own , it’s still so hard to believe. 

My thoughts are with you Gary 

You are not on this journey alone. Hope the counseling does you some good. 

Take care. 

Mike 

Hi Gary,

Yes things do change all the time. I have recently referred to my grieving process as an "ever-changing process". Like all of us on here, I have good days and bad days and exceptionally bad days. Even though, I have to say, most of my days are good now - well, not really good but okay. But I am saying this as someone who has been on this journey for 16 months.

I hope your week is going okay.

Love, Mel.

Hi Mike, were on the same point in our journeys I'm just under 3.5 months but very similar time as yourself.

Agree with everything you say, I feel pretty much the same.

Went to the hospice bereaved lunch it was ok some really nice people all suffering pretty much the same. It was nice to be able to talk freely with new people, and lots of volunteers came round and asked lots of questions. It was nice enough if it does any good time will tell.

Put the lights up today on the garden tree we do it every year, so wrote a list today and managed to complete it. Amanda always loved Christmas and she was very enthusiastic so I feel I must continue her traditions. I dragged The house tree out of is box but that's something we did together so waiting for the right day to start, will miss her artistic skills. I'm really trying to be as normal as I can. Some things are harder than others.

Going out to visit a friend tomorrow, bit of driving might take my mind of things.

Keep well thanks for your support.

Gary.

Hi Mell

              Your well ahead of our journey, can't think too far ahead which is the opposite of how our lives were, always planning thing for the future, I can't drum up enthusiasm for much and tend to not look too far ahead.

Agree moving on doesn't sound or feel right.

I've had good days but not a day without either feeling sad or having a good cry, just the way it is for me.

Thanks for your reply.

Gary

Hi Mike I have to agree the loneliness is very hard no one to go to the shops with or cuddle up to or hold hands with in bed I hate going out it feels like I'm the odd one out was invited to the firm's Xmas party me and a partner I said no I have no partner now it is just an existence really all wanting and waiting out turn so we can see our loved ones again  sorry if it's a bit down just how I feel today