Things change

Morning all.

I spent Saturday evening watching the programme from the Royal Albert Hall. We always watched it together, this year I was alone but somehow even though I cried & cried all evening it made me think we are all so not alone in our grief millions & millions of people have lost their loved ones but somehow they have managed to carry on so I told myself I am going to try & be strong.

I watched the service at the cenotaph & once again cried my eyes out I shed so many tears I thought about all the people I have lost over the years & I miss them all so much but I took great comfort that millions were watching it along with me all feeling exactly the same as I was.

I do feel a bit selfish that none of these people wanted to die & here's me feeling so sad . So I am going to try & be brave & turn over a new page in the story of my life which I am lucky enough to still have our loved ones for whatever reason were not given the chance we must be thankful & not waste our lives.

So sorry each & every one of you for my outburst but I am trying to think positive & as Mel said be grateful. We all experienced love & being loved some people didn't get the opportunity. 

Today I am going to try & think of today as "The first day of the rest of my life" & carry my loved ones with me in my ️ 

sending you all love & hope you understand what I am trying to say.

jojo x

Hi Jojo,

That is a truly wonderful post and such a wonderful insight you had. And I completely agree with you on everything you have said.

Love and hugs, Mel.

Thank you JoJo. I needed to read an upbeat post today because I’m feeling so so sad, really missing Mike. My mother was visiting me over the weekend - she was very sad being here without Mike and I think I was being strong for her all weekend and now it’s all overflowing. I can’t stop crying. When I am like this I remind myself I had 34 years with the kindest, most generous, intelligent, funny, loving man ; that we made 2 wonderful children and have a darling little grandson. All of us on here seem to have experienced great love ( which is why we miss them all so so much) but we are lucky to have loved and been loved. And maybe, just maybe, some of us will know love again in our time on this earth. 

My love. When I had you, I was afraid to die. Now that you're gone, death is my friend; he is by my side. If he takes me today, I will go with a smile. I'm afraid this is how I feel today  sorry

I agree with you all. We were lucky to have loved and to have been loved. I carry the imprint of my husband's soul. I said once in a former post months ago, that he helped shape the person I am today. He made it easy for me to go back and study when I was 38, when I decided to prepare the teachers' exams. He encouraged me in my every effort and we shared so many things. Sometimes I smile to myself when I think back on our life together. Unfortunately, love comes with pain. That's the deal, one we didnt necessarily consider when all was well. I have been thinking hard these days of what I can do to honour him, his life and the influence he had on me; what I can do to give meaning to the life we had together.

I know it's too early for me to say I'm going to go out and enjoy life or that I'm going to make the most of it. I'm a very introverted person and still need my "alone time" and my inward-looking time. I'm going to take  a while before I can feel interested in things again. There has been such an upheaval in the past two years that I'd just like to "retire" somewhere and catch myself but life does not allow us this luxury, does it. I'm really happy for you, Mel and Jojo, for finding the strength to adopt such a positive and life-affirming attitude.

Wishing us all better days 

Hi Limbo

I love your part about wanting to honour your darling husband.

well my thoughts are ... my husband was so very  kind & caring & also so funny he always made me laugh even when I was so very upset over different occasions he always hugged me& made me laugh & be happy again. He tried to make everyone he met throughout his life happy & he was loved by so many people. His children & grandchildren adored him nothing was too much trouble.

Soooo I am going to try & be just like him kind caring & most of all keep laughing & being happy, he would hate to see me in tears everyday that is the way I am going to honour my darling love of my life.

Will be thinking of you & look forward to know that you have managed to smile & laugh again, it will happen . Do it for your husband.

love & hugs 

jojo x

It's interesting. Paul and I were only together for 10 years, so unlike others here we only had a relatively short life together, and yet I can say in all honesty that Paul has shaped the person I am today. He brought out the best in me in so many situations - and sometimes maybe also the worst - and he made me into who I am today. I will always be deeply grateful to have loved and been loved in that way, to have been able to experience real soul-connection with somebody in this lifetime. My way to honour Paul I guess is to bring what I am - which is also very much how he was - into the world. It is the way I am in conversations with other people, in my decision-making for myself, in treating myself and others... And I so often think "Yes, Paul would really like that" or "Yes Paul would do that". Of course there are things as well that I simply do because for me now in my life now they seem right, and I have no problem even doing something that I know he wouldn't have done or like me do, but then it is a conscious decision. Even as I am writing this I can feel Paul in my heart, that's where he always is and always will be.

Gilles and I were two loners who found each other. I know he wouldn't approve of my isolating myself as I do but, at the same time, he should understand since we were so similar. I know that I should take steps to be with people a bit more. On the one hand, I'm afraid of being perceived as some sort of sad, humdrum individual and on the other hand, being with people too much drains me. Making little changes would certainly be meaningful.

One thing I've noticed about myself is that I've become very sensitive to others. I can't bear to see someone cry or in pain. For the first time in my life (apart from this forum), I reached out to someone whose husband has just died. She works in Admin. I've never met her but just had to send her an email telling her that I understood her pain. I suppose we empathize more after dealing with the death of a loved one.

Almost two weeks ago I was invited to a get-together a colleague of mine was organizing. I came back home in tears, blubbering shamefully to another colleague who dropped me home. It's funny but ever since, I can't cry. It's as if that night I'd cried all the tears that were remaining. A sort of dullness or numbness has come over me. Even when the sadness wells up and I feel like crying, I can't. Perhaps, a shift has taken place. I don't know. 

I know this post has neither head nor tail but  different posts triggered certain thoughts which I probably needed to voice.Thanks for being a witness to all this.

It was compassionate of you to reach out to the woman in admin. Someone did that for me at work recently and I really appreciated it. I felt it was emotionally generous when she herself was in such pain. 

Look after yourself and if that means time alone so be it. I’m learning more and more on this forum that, even though we all have things in common, people deal with the death of their partner in myriad different ways.