So sorry to have to welcome you here, but you're doing the right thing and I hope you find us supportive. One of us posted the other day that those of us who have suffered the deaths of our loved ones 'take them (our loved ones) with us. They are deep in our hearts and souls. That will never change.'

I found this so insightful and hope it will be of some solace.

Thank you wesurvived ,, I miss him so much, I know it’s early days and I like you  I know I will survive  but it doesn’t feel like that at the moment but that’s where this lovely community comes in if only to help me through the grieving process.x

I lost my lovely husband in July too. His funeral is next week. We had been married almost 39 years and together since we were 16. He was my one and only love.  I watched him get more and more poorly as I nursed him at home and knowing he had to leave me was torment. I honestly cannot say anything to make it better except that here you will see there are others suffering from this indescribable grief. It came as such a shock even when I had anticipated it. I guess I'm saying that the loneliness and all this huge bundle of feelings is something we all understand here. It's a massive massive loss. Normally I was a fairly happy person, having this utter sorrow thrust upon me is difficult because it's not my choice, if that makes sense? I know these chats are words on a screen but behind this we are all real and here to share and offer comfort simply by being here and acknowledging how terrible we are feeling. I am spending as much time with people as I can because the alone moments can feel very long. And i am finding that is a good thing.  Reach out to people. A lovely friend of a friend came to visit when Andy had died as she lives very near. She then said she'd like to come and see me again. My house was/is such a tip that I was embarrassed and said can I come to you? She said of course and apologised profusely that she hadn't suggested it herself. Such kindness from someone I am only starting to really get to know. I drove over to see my brother and he cooked tea for me which was lovely and he sent me a text today to say we must do it more often. I have this fear that people will get tired of the miserable widow but that doesn't need to be the case. My head is quite messed up by all this but I recognise I need to lean on others. Not always easy especially when you may be used to caring for others. Now I am not afraid to let people who care see that I am vulnerable,  because I am. Sorry to ramble. But finally my husband told me we had to cope with his terminal illness with love and strength. It's what he showed me and I realised the other day that his words were still in my head as I face life without him. It's only bearable because there is no choice. Sending you love. Xx

Clazzz,

my husband David  was such a ‘matter of fact man’ after his diagnosis  he just said to me ‘it is what it is ‘ but fought every step of the way, unfortunately when he was taken ill very suddenly he had to be taken into our local hospital instead of the cancer care hospital he was being treated (the Christie in Manchester ) where his last hours were traumatic in their care to say the least. Like you I couldn’t care less weather I did housework or not but we have 3 boys and lovely family members and they said ‘so what you can do  to the housework tomorrow’.  I do try and put a front when people ask me how I am but I then crumble and think ‘god get a grip’ yet they are so compassionate towards me. And no you have not ‘rambled ‘ it so comforting to know at this moment of time I’m not alone. my love goes out to you too.