Things change

Hello everyone in this thread,

I am reading so many posts here from people who say that life is so pointless now and that it is only existing and waiting until their turn comes. And, believe me, I have felt like that too on occasions.

I wonder if it would help you to do a gratitude exercise every morning and every evening. I have been doing it for months. For example, this morning my list looked like this:

1. I am grateful to have had a really good sleep.

2. I am grateful that, even though I didn't set my alarm, I woke up on time.

3. I am grateful for my hot shower.

4. I am grateful to have time to read and write in the forum this morning.

5. I am grateful that the bad rain has stopped.

Yesterday evening, my list looked like this:

1. I am grateful to have had a good chat with my friend Katharina.

2. I am grateful that I was able to see my GP.

3. I am grateful for the nice smile and the "thank you" I got from an elderly lady when I held the door open for her.

4. I am grateful for the nice warming soup I had this evening.

Believe me, when you are doing this for a while, you will feel the effect. You will count your blessings, for lack of a better word, rather than constantly looking at what you no longer have. And maybe there will come a time when you don't feel as pointless as you feel now, when life has a little bit more to offer again.

Love, Mel.

Hi Mel 

That's a very positive post you've put up and I'm so pleased it works for you:  I really am.It's strange because before I read your post I was only thinking earlier on, this. I'm lucky that we have  a house bought and paid for. I have no worries about rising rents or an unscrupulous landlord to concern myself about. I'm retired with a very good private pension plus the State Pension so I don't need to work if I choose not to. Along with my darlings savings I have a 'comfort blanket' which can help provide  within reason, my families financial problems or any sudden heavy outlays that may effect my life. I'm also lucky that we have two offspring - a son and daughter - who make me proud and are 100% supportive. However there's something that is missing from all this luck and that's the presence of my soul mate Anne. The only love of my life I've ever had. And the grief associated with my loss over rides all the luck I previously mentioned. Effectively I'm a broken man. At nearly 74, I see no worthwhile future. How can there be at my age?  But hey!  We are all different in this world and thank goodness we are. 

Love and Light 

Geoff.

I to have spent all my life struggling to get where I am now in the last 27 years it was for my wife mostly her children are all set up in life as are mine and just when we where ready to enjoy life it was taken away from us I now feel that there is no point in thanking life for letting me live in misery I'm not suicidal just beaten I have prostate cancer also lost my son my wife and mother and mother in law all in 4 years what do I have to be thankfull for 

Hi all.

The other side of a very strange coin

I've just got back from having lunch with two colleagues also W idowers.  One who feels very much like Ian ( Newb) and I do about our loss and associated grief, and the other, who thankfully is a very occasional colleague, that  I just don't get? I'll call him (A). I asked (A) whether after nearly 2yrs of losing his wife of 40yrs marriage if he still has the odd grief attack. He replied. "No. In fact Geoff I never did. I did love her but I suppose its because for 5yrs my wife and I knew she was living on a knife edge so when she finally died it came as no surprise or a shock.  As you know I went on holiday three weeks after she died and a further holiday about six weeks after she died. I know some people might see that as callous but for me it was the right thing. As you know Geoff a short while ago I took off my wedding ring, after all we are no longer married so I might still be in with a chance regarding other women."  I would describe (A) as 17 going on 72. He is in fact 72 and very materialistic along with his long hair, young clothes and a jaguar car. My other colleague aged 86 and very sprightly for his age  ( now more a friend.) and I at 74 just couldn't relate to ( A) at all and the interaction became very stilted. Later, on our own driving home, I said to my colleague/friend. "I don't want to see myself as being judgmental but don't you find (A's) attitude rather heartless?"  He said "Yes I did and I found it difficult not to tell him what I thought." To finalise and for the sake of keeping the peace what  I didn't tell (A) was that my darling wife too  had been living on a knife edge but  for nearly 30yrs with Lupus. An immune system disease thats incurable and claims many lives. Also she had cancer 20yrs ago which could also have claimed her life unti a second bout of cancer that  finally did claim her life  nearly 4 months ago. And her passing STILL CAME AS A SHOCK!  I still can't fathom (A's) attitude and never will. I suppose it takes all sorts.

Love and Light

Geoff.

Oh Mel that was lovely and so so true it’s easy to be negative much harder to feel positive and yes great full is good, you’ve made me think that way today instead of feeling guilty cause my sister has gone and I am still here , I’m very great full for today , for my job, my kids my grandkids , the rain , the cold , the sun oh I could go on and on , thank you for sharing and yes moving forward great term x x 

Hi Geoff...I reached out to this group when I was at a very low point. You were one of the first people to respond to me & your ability to connect with how I was feeling and offer comforting words is a gift & something I really appreciated. It made such a difference to me.

I’m in my 50’s & going through exactly the same feelings & difficulties...Who am I now, how will this new life I didn’t choose pan out. My feeling is you still have much to offer...Doreen.

Hi Gary 

Well done for your positive attitude and moving forward , and going shopping too yes we still need to eat and look after ourselves this earth is ours for a short time enjoy it , until we meet up with our loved ones, mention their names talk to them include them in chat it’s all good , our grief individually is unique there’s no right or wrong way to grieve no length of time of this I know , I lost my darling baby 42 years ago it’s still raw, so allow yourself time ,  breathe in the day , the icy cold , the lovely sun don’t waste a minute , and yes we have days we don’t want to move , get up get dressed. Splash a bit of smelly on , go out even a bus ride , a walk , cinema, library the sales , the park there’s lots to do , or like me if able continue to work , the young ones in my office lift my spirits , remembering at all times our loved ones past and present x x x

Hi Doreen 

Thank you for your kind words. In all of my posts I only ever speak from the heart. It's only  through our heart and emotions do we truly communicate. I've studied and taught in the Met Police London many subjects relating to life skills including psychology. I know from experience that any intellectual advice anyone - or any book can give you - will be short lived. It seems to work for a while but then it's power fades. There's a a very wise saying. ' If there is ever a battle between the intellect and the emotions.Emotions will always win.' So in a nutshell our grief can only be purged through our feelings and emotions. There is no other way my friend. So Doreen that's why I never give any advice but merely speak from the heart.

Love and Light

Geoff.

Hi everyone,

I've been reading the posts on feeling grateful and finding the positive in our lives. It's all very upifting and I admire those who are able to do it; I just can't seem to find meaning in anything. My husband and I used to love going to art exhibitions and we bought the odd painting here and there. I still very much enjoy going to exhibitions and seize any opportunity to go to one especially as I'm on a small island so there aren't that many. The other day I told the person at the art gallery that I would be interested in commissioning a painting and she got the artist to contact me. He left me a message on my voice mail but I never got back to him because all of a sudden I didn't see the sense of it. The tears seem to be fewer today but there's just a numbness and emptiness that I can't shake.

I'm a teacher and where, before I used to have my courses ready way in advance, I prepare my lessons at the last minute now. I still find most of my classes enjoyable and pleasant but I've lost my former enthusiasm. I'm sure all of this is normal but I wonder what will help revive my interest.

Just writing down my thoughts as there are no set answers.

Hello Limbo

I empathise very strongly with everything on this group, there is something in each post that strikes a cord, and many feeling I share.

I tried hard this weekend to have a family time and took my 3 grandsons bowling, I find being around them comforting and it takes my mind off things at least for a while.

In truth I had a good time, but thought of Amanda often I can't stop feeling bad that I'm without her my most prevalent thought is as always she should be with us  I spoke to her several times it seems I need to tell her I miss her and still love her just to carry on and that's fine by me.

Take care everone.

Gary.