Overwhelming sense of loss .

Hi NewB and Mark. How are you doing haven’t heard from you for a while. I am not coping good at all. This new lif is one lonely place to be. Don’t seem to want to do anything anymore when there’s no one there to do it for . Hope you two are having better days 

Hi Mick no not having a good time feeling very down crying lot of the time don't know when it will end tried to take dogs for a walk today but got wet in storm so had to cut it short got home cried hope tomorrow will be better

Hi NewB yes this life is pure hell on earth. I never released a human being could cry so much, and could hurt so much without being injured. How long are you on this road, I am just going into my third week but it seems like forever. Yes let’s hope tomorrow will be better.

 Mike 

My wife died June 16th so only a few weeks 

I am so sorry for you NewB my wife passed away on July 15 so I know exactly how you are feeling 

Mike.

Mike sorry about your wife I know it's very hard just to function and as said on here mentally it's very draining hope it improves for you but I bet it won't yet all the best

NewB winmick, 

Crying is something that has to happen  I cried buckets when the doctors said they couldn't complete the colonoscopy because of a mass the size of a cricket ball in husbands bowel. I knew we were looking at the worse possible scenario, but I did all that crying out of sight because everybody told me I had it all wrong and I was over dramatising and that I always looked on the black side. But I knew the odds of it being anything other than cancer were unrealistic. I didn't even talk to my husband about the result he was in the same place prospect wise.  Of course he looked like a clubbed seal when they said 16 months. 

When he died I had the voice of reason (mother) nagging what are you crying for now, go get a job, meet a new man. But then she still to this day doesn't think he was a good choice. My defence was to tidy relentlessly, my house was a place of constantly shifting furniture, rooms were painted and repainted. Somewhere in this my remote for the dvd got tidied never to reappear, but there something's unchanged.  His clothes are still in his wardrobe,  a pair of his shoes sit in the shoe rack by the door and yes they get polished, most of his work stuff is in the office in a cupboard. I've had nearly nine  years to move on but really I feel comfortable with the stuff being there. I've had to move on with other stuff jump through the legal hurdles, tell people that knew him from previous jobs that no he had died. There are so many things that the law says you must do that I think that the things you can choose you do when it feels right, and does it really matter to busybodies that you haven't reached all these milestones. I mean what business is it of theirs?

So cry all you want an do so until there's no more left because you will have brief relief, and it's not for nothing you're crying for all those future moments that you had imagined that will never come, the places you had always thought to visit the experiences,in fact the whole rest of your life that you  expected to have with your loved one. If it's fine for people to sob over lost money why isn't it fine to sob for a lost future?

When my dad died, he had a stroke a week after my husband went in for his bowel excision, my mums only concerns were to do the right thing and what would she live on but then they had been married 50 years and it was wearing thin. We lost our loved ones when it was still rich and full and everyday was not a chore.

D

Hi everyone 

Sorry I've not posted for a while. I passed the one year anniversary on the 17th of January. That was an awful day, it affected me much more than I expected. I'd like to say I'm a bit better now. But I'm still as lost as the first day. I function, go to work etc, but I don't call it living. There is nothing to look forward to anymore, without your other half. I became a victim of bank fraud about a month ago. Not thinking clearly through grief, it only takes a moments lapse. To be tricked by these sophisticated scams, so beware of any unexpected text messages asking for bank details and login passwords. My bank sorted it for me, but I felt like fool. Falling for it, as I am very tec savvy usually. How are you feeling. 

Hello Mark,

I can emphasise with you. Its 8 month for me and I feel, I have gone backwards. Just don't know, where i am heading. Feeling utterly lost. Just don't care about anything. 

Will we ever see better days? 

Love xxx

Hi Lavender 1969

I have just read your Profile and it looks like you lost your beloved husband to the same condition as I lost mine. My Bob had cancer of the Unknown Primary and therefore the Chemo was just a matter of guesswork. On our final visit to the Oncologist they told us he had stage 4 spread all throughout his body and gave him 8 weeks to live he lasted 10 days. He was 64 and prior to this very fit and healthy, gym goes, never smoked ate healthily and i am beyond heartbroken and lost.

Like you life has no purpose to me now. I function (Just) ive become forgetful and feel like i'm living in a fog. I had to return to work to pay bills and a Mortgage as we had no life insurance, mortgage protection so this responsibility doesn't help.

I can have a better day and then a terrible day. Nothing to look forward to. I will be 60 later this year and Bob was going to organise something special for me as he was an awesome party planner but all our life plans have been taken away.

Bob Passed away in my arms in our bed on 17th January 2020

Where do we go, what do we do?

Sheila