My Darling’s Study

Hi Kate. That sounds lovely and it will come together slowly in your own time.

Im finding memories of happy times a bit double edged. Yes we had some lovely times, but they also make me sad that there wont be any more. Im not sure how it can be happy and sad at the same time,  but I find it is. These are the times that take us by surprise.

Hugs xx

I say the same as Malengwa, that I’m not sure how we can be happy yet sad at the same time. 
I said yesterday that the exact same photo can have me smiling at the memory of that moment one minute and an hour later that same photo will have me crying with anger and loss that there will be no more photos of him or us.

We also have a filing cabinet in what was my beautiful Valen’s home office. And when I went through it about 6 months ago I thought it would be easy. But 1 folder was travel stuff like insurance - no more adventures together. Another was his medical stuff. Another was “Household Instructions” - he had (ever planning ahead) thoughtfully put all the manuals there. And so forth. So what I thought would be a quick job took nearly 2 months as I had to keep stopping as it was so hard. 
But I got there. It’s still in what is now the study. 

With all my new art and craft materials, in new storage units that me and my friends banged together, with my painting and diamond artwork on the walls, I sit in his office chair at his office desk with his slippers on.
The plants he had are still in there along with new framed photos of him and us and our families. 
His comfortingly loudly ticking clock is still there along with a new rug.

So the room is very much ours with a mash up of his and mine, old and new.
It’s still a work in progress. But I like the organic growth of it.  
And it was so hard to start with, changing its purpose. Its original use no longer needed. Heartbreaking. 
But I gradually began to enjoy evolving it.
I often sit in our new study and do nothing but swivel in his chair looking out the window. 

I think you will enjoy Paul and your new room. Enjoy creating it. Yes, with tears of the memories of the objects, the loss, the anger. But also tears of happy memories. Xx

Hi Kate, 

That room sounds lovely.  Remember their is no time limit to grief. You are trying to do something special, so take your time. I am afraid the memories will always hit us. I moved some of Sue's craft stuff in the spare room and replaced it with mine, as she had the better table and light. I have not done anything  since. I kept the last unfinished scrapbook page out. You will get their. Remember some times we just need to talk to people who understand this crap new world.

Take care 

Thank you for your kindness. I do like a good waffle. It is comforting to have that understanding in this group. Hugs to all. Kate. xxx