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Hi tom firstly I am really sorry for your loss and never be sorry for how you feel, 40years is a long time to be with someone and then suddenly they are not there, we are all different Tom my husband passed away from cancer on the 5th May only a year ago but I am finding it extremely difficult to cope and move forward, we lost the love of our lives someone we thought we were going to grow old with and then suddenly we are all alone so please don’t ever be sorry or think that you can’t chat and say how you are feeling because that’s what this sight is for please try to keep talking about things it may just help you with moving forward take care Miranda x

Dear Tom & Miranda 

I am sorry to hear how hard you are finding things at the moment. I am almost at a year & I can’t wait to get that anniversary out of the way as I feel I’m reliving everything, but I know I’m kidding myself if I think I’m going to feel any different once that day has passed. 

I wonder how much pressure we feel from other people’s well meaning comments about things getting easier when we are not  in that same phase of grief as they are. Its meant I am sure as encouragement & we all need that but it can feel at odds with how we feel too. It’s not a straight line this grieving journey, we got backwards & forwards several times over I think before we truly accept things as they now are. Maybe it’s unrealistic for us to look too far forward when it comes to coping & just concentrate on getting through the day - that is enough. 

Please Tom, don’t ever feel bad about posting here. It’s ok to be honest & say you’re hurting, its not easy & there is no timeline when it comes down to it. I hope it helps to know others are thinking of you & want to support you as best we can. 

Big hugs today 

Sarah xx

Dear Sarah thank you for your reply, I am sorry for your loss and I hope you can get through the year mark as best you can, yes it is all different for us all and yes you are right this sight is f people who are all going through the same thing grief, we all travel through grief in our own way and all at different pace we all have our own reasons to why we feel the way we do, Tom don’t evethink that you cannot tell people how hard things are for you because that’s what you feel like and we completely understand, people always say to me it will get better soon but those are the peop that still go home to their loved ones and still can be with the person they love and cuddle up to them at night, I wonder if they would be saying that if it was them going through all this pain.                   Thinking of you hugs Miranda x

BIG thanks to you all i know we are all greiving and we are all different , i think my freinds feel i should be over it and its good to know i have people here that understand , 

Tom

Oh Tom your friends are only probably trying to help you move forward but any true friends will understand that you never will get over it you will only ever learn to live with the grief but only in your own time, Thank care and please keep talking about it hopefully it will help one day with the moving forward process take care Miranda x

I think when you have truly loved someone you can never really be over it. I find it hard when people say that to me. 

Complete acceptance of what has happened takes time, some people more than others. There’s no right or wrong, we are all different. I think where we are all the same though is that we miss them always. 

Hope today’s been a little brighter for you Tom

take care 

Sarah xx

Yes thanks this evening is a little brighter thanks to you all.

Tom